Jul 27

The Basic Bitch Salad

First, put on yoga pants and go to Starbucks for a latte.

basic bitch starbucks run \\

Then pop some rosé.  You’ll be making a dressing out of this, but since you don’t need the entire bottle it’s okay to pour yourself a glass in a stemless wine glass.  Or better yet, a mason jar.  And best yet, a mason jar with rosé ice cubes.

basic bitch salad- rosé dressing \\

Now get your salad going.

Get the baby kale and while pulling it out of the fridge think, “Oh, I love kale.  It’s by far my favorite green.” 

basic bitch salad \\

Now get some seeds.  You know you’ve got chia seeds because, HELLO OVERNIGHT OATS.  

And since hemp seeds are the new chia seeds you’ve probably got those too.  They’re prob from Trader Joe’s.  And you probably know how to answer, “what’s you 17 most favorite things to buy from Trader Joe’s?”

basic bitch salad \\

Now pan sear some tofu with the tofu you bought at Target because Target sells groceries now.  Shut up.  How great is that?

basic bitch salad \\

And because it’s Monday, The Bachelorette is on.  So there’s that.

basic bitch salad + rosé dressing \\

The Basic Bitch Salad

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 25 minutes


1 cup rosé
1/2 cup olive oil
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon salt

baby kale
cooked quinoa
pan-seared tofu
hemp seeds
chia seeds
goat cheese crumbles
pita chips
sliced avocado


Add rosé to a sauce pan over medium-high heat.  Reduce until only ~3 tablespoons rosé are left.  Add reduced rosé, olive oil, dijon mustard and salt to a blender and blend until combined.

In a large bowl toss together all the salad ingredients.  Pour desired amount of dressing over and toss.  Serve with a Starbucks iced latte.

basic bitch salad \\

(This was completely a joke.  I love all these “basic” things that every “basic girl” would like, especially Target, goat cheese & iced lattes.)

21 comments on “The Basic Bitch Salad”

  1. LOL.  This may be a joke but the salad (+ some iced coffee) kinda sounds spot on since it’s insanely humid here in Ohio today!

  2. Hilarious. But basic bitch never looked so delicious!!

  3. Literally LOLing (<—- such a basic bitch thing to say, I know) but really though. I saw a little girl at the beach yesterday with a shirt on that said "Don't Be Basic." She couldn't have been more than 10 years old. Kids these days. 

  4. This. is. hilarious. So spot on, and I am apparently totally in this ‘basic’ group because I love all of these things too ;)

  5. This is so funny I literally can’t even ;)


  6. I’m as basic as it gets when its fall for EVERYTHING pumpkin .. #notevensorry

  7. Lol, I may say that this is like every salad in San Francisco. It’s a city full of #basicbitches like me!

  8. I love that name, this is perfect for me haha! Yum!

  9. This is so hilarious. I sent the link to all my friends and can’t stop laughing. Basic bitch salads are the best. Like, I can’t even with the other salads (heh).

  10. I don’t know which I love the most – the post itself, or the joke disclaimer :)
    I love your blog.

  11. Um, this is hilarious and the iced Starbucks in the background is so perfect. Don’t forget to wear your Uggs while you’re eating this!!

  12. Brilliant and hilarious and looks delicious!!!!!!

  13. Pingback: 10 Dorm-Friendly Meal Ideas

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