I learned something disappointing & it taught me to sit with my feelings.
Hey guys, Kimmy is back today sharing a post on emotional intelligence. Enjoy!
I’m quite the nosy lil snoop, so before I get right down to it, here are some of my favorite moments of summer so far in case any of you guys find other people’s lives interesting :)
I took my sister on a mini trip to Palm Springs (in 120 degree heat, I’ll have you know) and we had the best.time.ever. I treated her to a super nice sushi restaurant the first night and OMGSH so incredible…not super filling, though–what’s with fancy restaurants and tiny portions?! So we ate some melty vending machine chocolate and cheese puffs while watching the Bachelorette in the room later hehe.
Seeing old friends again and making a new friend!!! (its a big deal in the world of an introvert) Can you guess what day this was? Hint: I usually am not a fan of wearing red, but I made an exception…
Midnight mango by the pool!!!
Can you be obsessed with a dressing room? Because I think I am.
That lil message is also my segway…because feeling alive has become my goal and it’s now the frequency I tune my internal compass to.
I recently did some light reading on Psychology Today (y’know, just fluff pieces, no big deal, totally snoozefest…not lol) and I learned that I have pretty low emotional intelligence. Now, for someone who has always loved school and done well in it (hardcore loved, like, Mondays in elementary school were the bomb because there was no P.E. AND it was library and homework day), this tidbit of information came as a surprise and a disappointment. Coming from a history of a painful eating disorder as well as long unrecognized lifelong anxiety, it makes sense, though.
What was interesting, though, was that I had a misperception of emotional intelligence–having low emotional intelligence doesn’t mean that you don’t have adequate emotions, or are lacking in some way.
Turns out, this disappointing lesson was a blessing. Let me explain. I was in a serious slump the other day. Pause so I can set the scene: I’m preparing to move into my first apartment, heading into my first summer session’s finals week and working part time. During the moment in question I was on a separate continent from the rest of my vacationing family, I was breaking out, having a serious case of cramps, and battling a bad hair day. On top of my bleh moment, I realized a romantic situation was not going to turn out the way I wanted it to. I felt overwhelmed, crushed, vulnerable and silly and started spiraling into the tsunami of emotions and self doubt typical of an empath.
Right around this time, though, the tidbit I had read about emotional intelligence came to mind. At first, I found myself trying to push myself to feel positive. Then, I realized that even if you reframe a situation to see things differently, there still will be times when you feel something that seems negative and that’s inevitable. And while not every situation requires panic, sometimes our feelings are appropriate for the events going on in our lives just as they are. Having emotional intelligence in that moment meant creating space between myself and my feelings, allowing those feelings to exist, but not allowing them to kick me out of the driver’s seat.
I got through my classes and shift at work, I called a friend on my hour long commute–a whopping 13 mile schlepp through LA traffic–I cried, I ate some toffee popcorn, and I watched some Grey’s Anatomy. Slowly, the nasty feeling passed and other emotions became more present than the negative ones.
On that day, I learned that pain can be good. It’s human to hurt, and we need to let ourselves go through it. When we fight it, it pummels us like a rogue wave. When we don’t fight it, it passes right over us like a nice swell.
No feeling lasts forever, but the lessons we have the opportunity to learn while we’re experiencing those feelings very well may.
How would you rate your emotional intelligence? If you’re still developing it (like me ;)) what have you noticed coming up for you? Thoughts?
Also, would love to hear about some of your summer highlights so far??