Yeah…Immaeatthat

Aug 18

3 phrases on eating disorder / disordered eating recovery

All these came from the notes section on my computer.  I have a bunch of random notes discussing ED / disordered eating recovery and decided to share a few here today.  I didn’t always right down the source of the text, so if you know who said the text let me know so I can update the post :)

1. “Change is not easy.  It is not a linear process.   And your motivation to change or recover isn’t something that you “get” once and then never have to work on again.  Ambivalence and reluctance are normal and do not mean you cannot recovery.  All you need to do is to assess where you are and where you want to go, accepting what is now and committing to not giving up.” – from a talk I saw given by Karlee McGlone, LMFT and Anne Cusack, PsyD

2. “If you have been using your ED behaviors / disordered eating behaviors to manage everything from food to feelings, it will not be easy to stop all at once.  In fact, it’s quite unlikely that you would be able to stop quickly and easily.  You might make some progress but find self reverting back to old behaviors when life presents you with a new or stressful situation that you haven’t learned to manage.  Unfamiliar situations, like starting a new job or a new relationship, are likely to trigger or prove feelings of insecurity and anxiety, which could lead to ED behavior if you haven’t yet learned how to manage in healthier ways.  It’s easy to want to wake up everyday and have life be easy and to just be able to do life on autopilot.  But if you’re choosing to value recovery and becoming the person you’re meant to be, you will have to be honest with yourself when you are struggling and make the choice to not engage in an eating disorder behavior.” –I believe this is an excerpt from 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder

3. If you are in ED recovery right now and feel like you are barely staying afloat in the new relationship with yourself, don’t hit the eject button yet.  Right now you are constantly choosing actions that run against your current mindset and that is tough.  It can be so uncomfortable to be in a new body.  I know.  But it won’t always feel that uncomfortable and awful to be in your body.  If you can tolerate the discomfort of your changing body for a little longer that is when you are about to get a dose of life changing wisdom.  Start looking forward to the day when you won’t feel uncomfortable in your body.  It’s kinda like Christmas morning, something you wait for with excitement.  -first half probably from a podcast I listened to, second half from me

Would love to hear if any of these resonate with you.  And if yes, which one resonates with you most?

14 comments on “3 phrases on eating disorder / disordered eating recovery”

  1. I feel like this was just meant for me right now…after I commemted on another post yesterday :-) thank you! It’s a process and tolerating the changes can be uncomfortable. I can resonate with the whole unsettling or exciting changes in life being a trigger for ED to rear it’d ugly head. I’m still learning to cope with anxiety and stressful situations without turning to ED. It’s a journey and I can’t wait to ge to the final destination….

  2. Really appreciate this kind of quotes about recovery; it’s good to be reminded that YES, its hard, but its always possible and always worth it.

  3. Love (and needed this post) so much, Kylie! #2 without a doubt hit home for me as this upcoming Monday I will be starting law school with some amount of fear that I will be so tempted to engage in ED behaviors I have been working so hard to kick to the curb. While I have still been mostly unsuccessful, because I’m having a tough time finding the resources, especially a therapist, as many of those who have adopted the “Intuitive Eating” mindset don’t accept insurance, and I quite frankly don’t have the money to be able to put out up front to wait for reimbursement, if my insurance company would even do that, I do recognize the small victories, but I have always noticed that in new and stressful/anxiety producing situations I find that my thought bullies are never really telling me to grab a spoon and stuff my face, they are taking the spoon and fork away, telling me to restrict because I haven’t “earned it” or haven’t worked hard enough for it. Law school will be psychologically/mentally challenging but I have to remember that I have a choice to make in these situations – I have the opportunity to make the choice to not engage in the behavior and value who I am as a person in every way, shape, or form.

  4. My dietition sent me the link to this blog post today after i told her everything felt like it was going wrong. I just started my freshman year of college and have been here for five days. my favorite was #3 but they all resonate with me because there is so much change happening in my life right now. 

    • Going away to college at the end of recovery was hard for me as well. What helped me was eating on a consistent schedule. I wouldn’t let myself skip meals due to a lack of appetite. Keeping certain things the same as back home helped a lot. I found community center yoga classes to continue my yoga routine and my mom got me snacks that I liked. I also had to distance myself from girls who talked too much about the “freshman 15” and if I couldn’t avoid them, would call my mom and talk about it. You’re probably going to feel scared, alone, and frustrated but just remember food or lack thereof will not change that. You have to find your good coping mechanisms like socializing, adequate sleep, prayer, etc. Sophomore year was also MUCH easier for me and a lot of students. Good luck!

  5. All of them are super important, but #2 and #3 really resonated!
    #2 – starting a new internship for the summer was really unsettling for me, and ED thoughts came back stronger than ever – I made the active choice to not engage in ED behaviors and it was a crucial moment in recovery. Actively choosing recovery every minute of every day is exhausting, but necessary and worth it.
    #3 – the physical discomfort I experienced in the early stages of recovery was intense, but rather than let it send me into a relapse I adopted the mindset that “if you start engaging in ED behaviors again, you will have to start this process all over again” and held on to the hope that recovery was worth it (ps. it is and it does feel like Christmas morning!!)

  6. The last two!  The last two!  The last two!

    First, I had a handful of major life transitions all at once in the last two years (end of a long-term relationship that wasn’t good for me; graduating college and living at home for a year/starting a real world job; moving to a new city which had a bumpy start for reasons outside of my control and continues to feel lonely sometimes) and I have a hard time accepting/realizing that those things 100% triggered anxiety/insecurity and that my ED behaviors ramped up accordingly when my body started to change after college (because hey, I’m not 17-18 anymore). Also, suddenly working in office environments with mostly women and therefore encountering a TON of diet mentality talk (not to mention wedding diet talk) didn’t help either.

    Secondly, I really, really look forward to the day I don’t feel uncomfortable in my body anymore.  I really, really do.  At this point I’m sad to say I don’t really remember what it’s like.  I’m not there yet, but damn do I want to be, and I’m working on it.

    Thank you for sharing <3

  7. Totally teared up at the Christmas morning quote – it made TANGIBLE for me the elusive reassurance that I really will experience freedom and acceptance one day ❤️

  8. These are all excellent! Your blog is such a godsend to me. ‘Number 2’ resonates with me the most. I was doing pretty well in my intuitive eating/movement journey until my kids got out of school and my routine started to change. Not necessarily a bad change but a change nonetheless. I decided to try a vegan diet because I was having lots of stomachaches at night and started researching a lot about Ayurvedic and plant based diets. I checked out stacks of books from the library, downloaded podcasts, followed new plant based IG accounts and blogs etc. It was exhilarating for about 6 weeks. ‘I found the secret to health and vitality!’ Rewind three years ago, my second kid is a newborn, I’m EXHAUSTED, feeling lost, baby blues etc and I latch onto the ‘paleo’ band wagon. Followed that for 3 years and wrecked my digestion, fought through tears of preparing separate meals for myself and the rest of my family, completely lost my intuition in most areas of my life and was miserable.

    Thankfully, I have realized this pattern and I am trying to get to the root of what is ACTUALLY going on. I will say though, I am LOVING eating lots of beans and grains and fruit that were so taboo for me for so long. They taste so amazing to me and make me feel really good right now. I’m trying to ask myself every morning, “what sounds good to me?” and lately it hasn’t been animal products probably because I was consuming them so frequently the past few years (3 eggs for breakfast every day x3 years). And that’s OK. I have a really hard time not doing things 100% because I feel like a failure/imposter.

    I have struggled with anxiety and fear of the unknown my whole life which I am in therapy for and I know that this sense of control, which is an illusion, I get from dieting is to help me cope with my feelings because it’s difficult. But life is difficult at times. Quite honestly, my life is really boring. All I can think about is food. I often refer back to your brain diagram because that’s what my brain is like right now.

  9. #3 really resonates with me right now. However, though I feel like I’ve accepted my recovery weight gain–and keep telling myself that I’m at the body weight I’m meant to be at (no manipulating my shape here), I still find that it’s hard to accept my genetically determined body. Like, I’m still mad that, though I still have a thin body type, my body was not meant to be conventionally attractive in, say, a bikini. It sounds way worse typing it out, too, but I find so many IG people who preach “love your body” still exist by societies standards of body perfection. How did you work though any uncomfortable feelings about your natural body shape?

  10. Thank you so much for these. I really loved the first one, I’ve been struggling to hold onto motivation when trying to follow through with making changes, so it’s helpful to be reminded that that struggle is “normal” and doesn’t mean I can’t still move forward, and that being committed to my process and not giving up is ultimately what matters.

  11. I really think the ones from 8 Keys to ED Recovery resonated with me the most. I can definitely relate to how ED behaviors can easily be triggered by uncomfortable feelings and new situations. Before, the ED behaviors would have been there to “rescue” me from these types of thoughts as my go-to in how to manage unpleasant situations or feelings. But once in recovery, it becomes even more apparent how much I relied on these types of behaviors to temporarily provide relief. When in reality, they only contributed to the problem because they helped to perpetuate the cycle.

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