Feb 23

15 weeks as a mom.

I’m not trained in being a mom.  And when I write these posts I feel pretty undereducated.  I’m professionally trained in disordered eating recovery and improving body image…so I feel competent when I write those posts.  But there’s no training for being a mom.  I’ve got 15 weeks of experience and that’s it. 

I’m not a fan of people who write about things they don’t know anything about, so with mom stuff I share I’m just sharing my experience…not saying I’m doing anything the right way or the way you should do it. 

Sometimes I think I overcomplicated everything in my life by overanalyzing it.  And for me, having a blog makes me overanalyze what I’m doing more because I know I’m going to get feedback and I want to make sure what I’m doing is right for me, my values, and my family and that I’m ready for that feedback.  Sometimes I think I overcomplicate things by overanalyzing them so much.  And sometimes I really love that part of me.  And other times I overanalyze the overanalyzing lol.

Onto mom life…

Blog and client work

How I used to work doesn’t work for me anymore, which is why posting has been so erratic.   Pre-Jojo I’d let a blog post idea marinate in my mind for a few days and then spend 5-7 hours writing the post late into the night.  I love working like that.  I feel most creative and relaxed at night and love having a job where I can work at that time.

That said.  There’s always been a big part of me that felt the blog just replaced my eating disorder.  I went from my eating disorder taking up all my brain space (i.e. spending every spare moment I had thinking about how to become smaller) to the blog taking up all my brain space.  I think advocating against restrictive eating and body manipulation messages was and is very healing for me and advocacy work can be healing for a lot of people in recovery and will always be a part of my life. 

I also think it was a step in the right direction for me…from the all-consuming self-harm and self-hatred of an eating disorder to the fulfilling advocacy work against what contributed to me struggling for so long.  But I always knew that wasn’t an end point for me.  I’m not made to work all the time and having Jo made me realize how I was working all the time.  There’s a saying that goes, “i’d rather work 80 hours for myself than 40 hours for someone else”…that’s still true for me and now that I’ve had a taste of self-employed life I have zero plans of working for someone. 

As I’m going through this transition into motherhood and assessing priorities I decided I’m going to start posting occasional God-centered content going forward.  While that might not be right for all of you, I hope there will be some of you who resonate deeply with that content.  I knew at some point the blog was going to have to take the proper place in my life and percentage of my life.  Now that Jo lives with us it’s really easy for me to prioritize things.  I’ll still be posting every week, but to put out content I’m happy with (and to give my mind some creative space to ponder and dream about what’s to come next) I won’t be posting every weekday anymore.  I was just feeling so busy and hurried all the time.  I don’t like that feeling.  I’m instead trying to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. 

As far as client work, I’m transitioning to a more in-person practice.  I still have some virtual clients who I love working with and will still accept new virtual clients from time to time. I care for my virtual clients…I just have found I need a better balance of in-person and virtual sessions.  There’s a part of me that wants the connection (and ease, because sometimes technology doesn’t work like it should) of having clients in office.  

Andrew and I doing the same thing

A month into mom life I reached out to someone to start a blog redesign and Andrew started a project to add more square footage to our house by converting part of our garage into an indoor laundry room (our washer and dryer are in the garage right now).  I think everything felt so chaotic that we both wanted to control something.  We even started talking about moving to the suburbs so we could be closer to our parents.  We’ve now decided the first 4 months of a baby’s life is not the time to make major life changes lol and we needed to pump the brakes and wait for things to calm down a bit before making a change.

But I think the blog redesign and our updated laundry room are going to be FREAKING SWEET, so I’m not bummed about either of these haha

Eating in Postpartum

Eating has felt really chaotic for me lately.  Pretty much all food eaten at meals and snacks are eaten not because I’m craving them but because that is the food that is available and I’m in a RUSHHHHH.  My goal for this Sunday is to prep 1 bulk breakfast, 1 dinner and 2 lunches for the week to help myself out and to have food I’m craving ready to go.  I hate having to throw together every meal and snack.  And I don’t enjoy having to eat out every meal.  For me I’ve found it really inconvenient to have to eat all meals out because there’s no tasty options at home.

If you struggle with an eating disorder, it would be extremely easy for your eating disorder to come in during postpartum.  There are so many opportunities when you have SO much to do for baby that it would be easy easy easy to skip meals and snacks. 

Before Joanna came I had been practicing identifying what I was feeling and what I needed for 4 years at that point.  For a while when I felt the urge to engage in an ED behavior it was so helpful to ask myself, “what are you feeling?” “what do you need?”  And I would then have to choose a healthful way to cope (at that time exercise was off the table because it’s the way my brain wanted to numb away from everything).  Even now I love those two questions to help me stop and identify what is going on and not numb away from what I’m feeling.  So when I had Jojo I could identify, “i’m feeling overwhelmed and I need sleep.” But I couldn’t have sleep!!!! I had to care for her!  That was and is a tough part of motherhood for me.  Identifying what I need and having to put my needs on hold until she’s cared for.

During the first month of Joanna’s life when her sleep was particularly awful and I was up all night I’d make a big cookie and break off a piece at a time as I walked around for hours trying to get her to sleep.  I wasn’t usually hungry, but I didn’t know how else to stay awake at night.  It gave me something to look forward to when I wasn’t looking forward to having to be up in the wee morning hours.  Emotional eating at it’s finest :)

My Body

For 2ish months after having Joanna I felt more love towards my stomach than I ever had before.  During pregnancy I felt so much affection towards my growing bump, as I think many pregnant women do.  It was the first time I felt overwhelmingly positive about my stomach and I wore more skin tight clothing during that time than ever before.  Those feelings towards my stomach didn’t go away when she was out.  I realize now that during pregnancy I had trained my brain to think positively about my stomach and those feelings stuck with me after she was born.  I’d take a bath and just stare down in my belly and be in awe that it housed a baby at one point.  Now I’m back to feeling pretty neutral about my belly.  I’d say the familiar feeling of I don’t feel good in my body size comes back when I’m really sleep deprived.  It’s still an easy out my brain tries to take, but I know that my body isn’t the problem and I make my brain identify what is really overwhelming me.

Plenty of times with my brain I have to be like, “dude. calm down. there’s nothing wrong with your personality/body/etc.”

And I know if I trained my brain to think so lovingly of my belly at one point that I could do it again with daily practice.


Our nanny comes 2 times a week for 8 hours at a time and it’s been really good for me. We found each other on and she’s great. Anytime I have a thought that says, “joanna is not going to take the bottle.” I counter it with “joanna will take the bottle this week” and Joanna has taken the bottle some each day.  Some days she’ll take 6 ounces and somedays she’ll take 16 ounces.  I have all the respect for your stay at home mom’s and you full-time working moms (yes, SAHM are working mom’s…I hope you know what I mean). 

I’m really grateful to get to work such a flexible schedule.  I have a way to make money that is extremely flexibility.  I have support from our nanny and our parents.  I have mom friends I can be honest with. I have time to go get a massage from time to time.  I have alone time during the week.  I’ve made time to go to a women’s small group at our church.  And I still find this adjustment to being a mom really hard.

In the beginning I was struggling with not making as much money as I did.  It’s very easy for me to think “okay we pay the nanny this much, my office space costs this much and I’ve only got this much left over.”  Something Andrew reminded me of, that I’ve found really helpful, is the point of working right now is to keep my brain working so when kiddos are older and don’t need me to put them down for 4 naps a day lol…I can amp up work again if that’s right for me then.  Even if I was just breaking even on money coming in and money going out I’ve decided I would still want to work.  It’s good for me to get out of the house.  Andrew also reminded me that the cost of paying for childcare doesn’t fall only on me.  We’re a family unit and everyone within that unit deserves to be fulfilled.


A couple weeks ago one of my mom friends texted me saying, “you know when your baby sleeps way longer than usual and you kinda freak out something happened to them as you’re going to check on them.” And I was like, “no. I’ve never experienced that lol.  Joanna hates sleep.” 

Putting her down for each nap takes 10-30 minutes.  Then in the evenings from 7pm to 11pm she’s usually pretty fussy and has trouble staying asleep for more than 10-20 minutes.  In her life we’ve had one night where I put her down at 8pm and at 11pm she was still sleeping so I did a dream feed and then she slept til 5am.  THAT WAS MAGICAL.  And it hasn’t happened again since that one time.  There usually isn’t an option to do a dream feed because she just doesn’t sleep that long. 

Andrew’s cousin recommended we try gripe water and last night was the first night we used it.  It worked wonders! Joanna slept in the evening. For longer than an hour.  Which she never does! I’m super pumped and hoping the gripe water is just what she needed.  While I didn’t think we’d find one thing that would fix her sleep troubles…I think we found one thing that would fix our sleep troubles haha.  If I could start having 2 hours to myself in the evenings again I would turn into a much more sane version of me.  Sleep deprivation is roughhhh, but I know we’re moving a better direction.

And, yep.  Some nights we’re co-sleeping because THAT’S WHAT WORKS.  I’m not a heavy sleeper so we’re comfortable with it.  Andrew snapped the above photo, which I find helpful so I can be like “ok x isn’t safe.” I like to pop her little arms out of her swaddle in case she needs to use them to slap me in the face or get my attention.  She’s a very expressive baby and let’s me know what she needs or when she’s uncomfortable.


I really don’t mind nursing anymore and there is ZERO pain now (except Jo has started biting me occasionally…and I don’t understand what’s going to happen to my poor nipples when she has teeth lol).  I feel MUCH more relaxed about nursing Jo when I’m in public.  If we’re at church and everyone closes their eyes to pray and Jo needs to eat I’m like, “go go go get the baby on the boob while everyone has their eyes closed” lol.  

I still like being modest about it and bring my nursing cover (when I remember it).  I don’t have a plan for how long I want to nurse her for.  I’m just gonna see how it goes.

And pumping is fine.  I don’t look forward to it and it’s not really enjoyable, but I do it and move on.  

One baby thing I’m particularly excited about.

My mom started teaching Jojo baby sign language and I think it’s such a cool idea.  I’m gonna lose my mind the first time she signs something back lol.  The book we have says you can start anytime with your baby, but typically between 4-6 months is a good time to start.  We’re teaching her: tree, mom, dad, Jojo, fan, dog, milk, sleep.  

My grandma’s thoughts on Jo’s name.

One grandma thinks Joanna has way too many names: Jo, Jojo, Joanna.  The other grandma thinks it’s more of a boys name.  And I still love all the names I call it.  You know the song “Havana, ooh na-na”?  Well we’ve replaced it with “Joanna, ohh na-na”.  No idea it that’s actually appropriate or what the song is actually saying, but it’s fine.

That’s all for now:) Any thoughts welcome!

75 comments on “15 weeks as a mom.”

  1. I love all the sweet smiles you captured from JoJo! As always, your honesty on motherhood and life is so refreshing!

  2. Mama…you’re rocking it, and your perspective is always refreshing.

    Our first was colicky as can be and almost broke us. We got her on Zantac (which I always mispronounced as Zanax…lol) and it worked wonders! Hope the gripe water is just what the doctor ordered, but if it’s not, there are other options! And of course, she’s beautiful and healthy and looks pretty stinking happy most of the time, so if you choose to just ride this stage out, that’ll be good too.

  3. My name is Joanna and my parents always called me Jo growing up. I loved it. Now friends call me Jojo. Pretty funny to hear that you are using all of the nicknames!

  4. Omg sleep deprivation is the worse. I’m just not myself if I sleep less than 6 hours in a row. So I can just imagine… therefore congratulations and keep going!

  5. Jojo is so stinkin cute! Hoping the sleep gets better for you guys – you have a great perspective as being a family unit, I really admire that. I think I will always want to work also, since it does bring me some pleasure and works my brain in new ways. But the balance is the tough part!

  6. Our first was a terrible sleeper. I walked miles on maternity leave because being in the stroller made her sleep. We had to rock her until she was limp every night until she was a toddler. Then we had to lie down with her until she fell asleep for years. She came into our bed in the middle of the night for ages. However, when number two cane along five years later and hated being rocked, I was sad. Sleep deprivation is the worst, but try and enjoy those nursing cuddles, even at 3am. It truly will seem like the blink of an eye later on. When you have small ones, the days drag but the years fly.

  7. And Jo is adorable! Those smiles are the best, aren’t they?

  8. How long does she sleep at each stretch? How are you managing your job while being sleep deprived?

    • Really depends. Sometimes she does 2 hour stretches and sometimes she does 5 hour stretches. I heard someone say that sleeping through the night is considered midnight to 5am. To which I was like, that’s the best it can get!???? ahhhh

      Co-sleeping has worked well for us because she eats and then we can both just fall asleep and no one has to get out of bed. But for me this isn’t a long term option (at least I hope not lol). Although it is the sweetest thing to sleep w her.

      As far as getting enough sleep to work…sometimes I feel I’m in survival mode and other days I feel really well rested. I think I’ve adjusted to the fact that this how it’s gonna be for a few months until baby doesn’t need so much help from me to sleep.

  9. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your journey in motherhood this far, Kylie. You are doing amazing, sweet mama!

  10. Don’t forget the name A.J. (Andrew Jr!) hahaha
    My first (and only) didn’t sleep through the night till 18 months! 
    Your are SOOOOOO lucky to have both sides of family here! :)
    Both hubby and I started scarfing down our food when he was born, and we STILL eat too fast :(
    Would love some God centered content!
    I’m really missing your recipes….especially the dessert ones/but no pressure lol!
    Jojo’s the most precious baby everrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

  11. Love all of this! Thank you for providing your perspective on new mom life and how you’re keeping aware of your thoughts on body changes. Looking forward to your new direction for the blog!

  12. I had a baby girl on November 24 so I really enjoy following your blog and instagram posts about Jo :) We had an amazing newborn sleeper and her sleep has recently started going majorly downhill. The last 3 hours of every night are usually spent with her in bed beside me. No apologies for it – we do what we have to do so we can ALL get sleep!!

  13. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job of navigating things! I have had two babies that really didn’t enjoy sleep but we have survived… I always said I wasn’t going to co- sleep but with my second we did it until it wasn’t the thing that worked best. I think that’s the thing – I felt guilty about not doing a lot of things “right” or that I *should* be able to sleep train, etc… but now I’m at the point where if it’s working for me and my family then we go with it, and if it stops working then it’ll be worth the trouble to change it. Praying through those decisions and trusting my husband and my instinct has been super helpful too. It’s been a good shift in thinking for my type A-ness.
    Anyway, you’re doing great. This is hard!

  14. Omgeee, she is so cute! Sleep deprivation is the hardest part about babies, in my opinion (mom of 3, here.) All of my babies had that rough ‘colicky’ evening time and I know it can be so draining and frustrating. But you will get your evenings back. It sounds like you have a great support system around you, so important for your sanity!

  15. I identify with so much of this! I think it’s especially important to recognize, like you and Andrew have, that having two working parents is not purely about whether it’s overwhelmingly financially advantageous. There are many other considerations including many long term ones, and I get super frustrated when people reduce it to whether one person’s salary is equal to what is being paid for child care at the present moment. Kudos to y’all for being able to see the big picture.

  16. Thanks for sharing this! I’m six months into this new mom thing and can still relate to some of what you’re talking about! I’m a SAHM after working full time for 9 years. So many new challenges and changes but I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Keep it up, mama! You’re doing a great job! 💕

  17. Loved this post!! And all the sweet pics of Jo. My favorite is definitely the co-sleeping, so cute! I’m looking forward to the blog redesign and the God centered posts! :)

  18. If it make sure you feel any better, my daughter’s doctor told us from the start that co-sleeping is fine and not to worry about it. It made me feel soooo much better about it. When I started back to work full time, we started co sleeping. It works really well because I can feed her, sooth her, and give her the closeness with me that she misses out on during the day while I’m at work.
    You’re doing great, mama! Motherhood is no easy task, but it is SO worth it

  19. This brings back all the feelings. You’re doing awesome. I could never document my life on a blog – it would give me all kinds of stress gr overanalyzing, lol! I totally resonate with the feeling of feeling rushed with food. My baby is 18 months old and I still feel so mindless/rushed with food a lot of times in a rough day and I hate that. Also, I also work part time self employed and I totally just break even, but I agree it is worth it in terms of being able to continue my career eventually. So keep going :)

  20. Your baby is ADORABLE! My kids are 3 and 14 mo..and man, seeing your baby makes me want another! Keep up the great work!

  21. I’m looking forward to get more God-centered content! And Joanna’s smile is just so bubbly! I’m still so grateful that I’ll be able to read back throughn all of your pregnancy blog posts when my time to get pregnant comes. (Guessing I’ll need that support). Have a lovely weekend!

  22. Hi Kylie,
    I have an almost 7 month old so I understand everything you’re going through. I hate to ask this bc I know it can be a controversial topic but are you against cry it out? We did it when my daughter was 13 weeks, right after I returned to work. I have a very demanding job and couldn’t function long term on very little sleep. She has learned to soothe herself to sleep and sleeps about 10 hours every night since we’ve done CIO. She has the occasional wake up for a diaper change or just bc she’s unsettled but she still will sleep the majority of the night every single night. We have a bedtime we can rely on and that gives us 2-3 hours in the evening to catch up on housework/me time. Not to mention, she can put herself to sleep for naps which are still very important at her age (usually 3-5 hours of napping a day). She is also a very happy baby when she’s awake, which I attribute to her being well rested. There are multiple “sleep training” books if you want to read more about it, but to be honest, we had a very rough first night (first night in the crib too), and that’s all it took.

    Sorry for the long comment, I just wanted to share this. You’re doing great. I really enjoy your blog and you have wonderful perspective on everything.

    • Hi Liz! Nope…I’m not against it, I just don’t think I AM emotionally ready for it. It’s really hard for me to tolerate her crying. But not against it. Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

  23. She is so precious!! My little guy is 4.5 months and night time sleep is just now getting better (naps are a totally different story ha). I work 2 night shifts/week so I feel you on the sleep deprivation. But the sweet smiles make it SO worth it

    • Phew Susanna! My best friend works some night shifts and I don’t know how you guys do it! That would be so rough! It would take so much strength to be able to handle that!

  24. Just to clarify,… that’s your grandmas, not her grandmas.

  25. The sleep deprivation is one of the reasons we are one and done. We are both scarred from it! I feel for you! It’s the most bizarre thing when your baby is born and your whole axis shifts immediately. For fussiness, probiotic drops helped my daughter, and I’ve heard great things about the Windi (never tried it though).

    • Tried the Windi and it relieves some gas! And also it’s just a hilarious little tool lol. I’m taking a mom & baby probiotic, but haven’t started Jo on one yet. Looking forward to our next pedi visit so we can talk about if there is something else we can do or be prescribed.

  26. Kylie,

    Before this post, I knew what you stood for. But after it, I feel like I know YOU. I loved it so much. I’ve been a reader for 2.5 years, and after having recovered almost entirely from disordered eating, your blog is the only one I care to read anymore. Even though I’ve noticed you not posting as frequently lately, I still check in every day. I know I’m never going to feel bad about myself when I read your blog, and I’m usually going to leave feeling better. I can’t wait for your God-centered content. To be honest, I think Christians in the world of disordered eating recovery could be more vocal about the role that a Biblical view of our bodies and of beauty has to play in recovery for a Christian. So I can’t wait to read your posts! Even if your God-centered content has nothing to do with ED :) Thank you for being so open about your struggles in life, and may God bless you and your family.

  27. It is so lovely to see and hear about everything you’re doing with your little girl and for yourself. As someone who is still pretty far off from babies but eventually would love one, it’s so encouraging to see that it is all possible. That you are still yourself, that you still work and engage in activities that you find enriching and energizing, but that you also are with your family a lot. I feel like women are given this narrative that life and parenting is either/or and it just really isn’t, so thank you!

    My baby sister (she’s 9 years younger than me so still qualifies as my baby sister) was a horrible sleeper too. She INSISTED on being held. The only other thing that worked was car rides while listening to Hall & Oates music. Not kidding. 

  28. She is so gorgeous!! You are doing an incredible job and I love your transparency. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns, but you have that beautiful little baby to make it all worth it. :)

  29. As always, thank you for being so open & sharing your experiences! I really hope sweet Jojo begins sleeping better & for longer stretches. I’ll always ready & follow your awesome blog!

  30. Thank you for your honesty! I’ve read many blogs about intuitive eating and self care and all of that, but (until now!) they didn’t have children or had older children. My kiddos are two and 6 months, and I’ve really struggled with this. I have a strong support system and I still feel like getting my basic needs met is difficult. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

  31. Hi Kylie,

    I can’t wait to read your God-centered blog posts!  I’m sure that they will be a blessing to many.

    You have helped me so much in my journey towards intuitive eating and body acceptance.  You are amazing!  Thank you.


  32. You’re doing a great job! I love reading your mom updates <3 my dude was a TERRIBLE sleeper til he was 8 months and slowly after that reformed into a better (though not great) sleeper. He needs all the conditions PERFECT: full
    Tummy, good wind down, white noise, absolute darkness and when he got old enough a lovey really helped. When I went back to work we coslept for 5 months (said I would NEVER do it, ha!!) and then when I felt he was ready we did the Sleep Lady Shuffle program (she has a book and website). I liked her approach as I was not comfortable doing cry it out…we actually tried it for 4-5 days and it was horrible and every night was longer/worse than the previous ugh. Never again! Mamas have great instincts about their babies.
    Looking forward to more God content and love your blog.

  33. JoJo and my little girl, Sage were born on the same day so I love following your journey! Mine doesn’t like sleep either and she usually only naps about 15-20 mins at a time which has been really tough at time because, with an active 2 year old as well, things are pretty go go go all the time and sometimes I want to pee, eat, sleep or just lay down without someone pulling at me lol and that’s not to say that I don’t love my job as a full time stay at home mom- because it’s the best thing in the world. BUT that does not mean that it’s not difficult at times.

    Also, co sleeping is the only way I’ve gotten sleep at night with both of my children. As long as safety precautions are taken it’s the only way I felt totally safe and not worried about my children at night time- plus the morning cuddles are THE BEST!

  34. She is just so, sooo sweet.  I love that picture of the two of you sleeping together, I feel like you can see how much she loves you even though you’re both sleeping, because she’s snuggled right up.  I have co-slept to varying degrees with my 8mo and she always cuddles in as close as possible.  I absolutely love it.

    Hang in there.  I’ve realized there is a turning point during the 6th month.  Everyone told me that and I was so mad when it didn’t happen right away, but it finally did towards the end of that month.  I started sleep training, (which I initially swore I wouldn’t do, and then I knew it had to happen because all three of us were at a breaking point,) and it was magical.  In hindsight, I know now she wasn’t fighting SLEEP like I had thought.  She was fighting ME putting her to sleep.  It would take us hours (not an exaggeration,) to put her down at night.  Sometimes the same for naps.  Literally HOURS of my day trying to soothe and rock a screaming child who refused to sleep.  I gave birth at a birth center and there is a facebook group for the new moms, and one of them recommended the book Precious Little Sleep.  I bought it, we implemented it as soon as I chose the plan I wanted to use, and it was the single best parenting decision I’ve made to date.  Not only did she start sleeping longer and longer, she started putting herself to sleep almost immediately.  I can’t tell you how stressful bedtime was, and suddenly alllll that stress was gone.  I had time to unwind in the evening again.  It was magic.  

    She now sleeps until about 4-6am, at which time I’ll get her and bring her to bed with me and feed her, and we will sleep for another hour or two together.  And i’m in no rush to cut out that feeding, because I adore that cuddle time with her.  So, yes.  I completely feel for you in this time because I was there, slogging through it not too long ago.  But there’s light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you.  Sending lots of love and support!! xoxo

  35. I LOVE the idea of god-centered content. Loved reading this post and so happy for where you are in life. Your blog has helped me so much! 

  36. Oh girl you’re in the thick of it. Keep on keeping on. My first wasn’t a baby book baby and it made me frustrated that “nothing worked”. I just had to mufe all the advice and love him like he needed to be loved. Which meant cosleeping, nursing (no bottles) until 2yo, etc etc. And he’s still a pistal with everything— diaper changes, sleep, baths, etc. But hey, now I know that’s who he is and I’m not trying to fight if! Many frustrating times for sure and it was so hard to enjoy that first year as a new mom. As he’s becoming a little boy we are seeing how much love and tenderness he has in his heart for his family and it’s just the sweetest thing to witness. Oh and interesting, this second time around we have a very peaceful easy baby and I’m just trying to take his sweet self in— it really has been easy with round two which is such a blessing. It’s going to be fun to watch these two boys grow up.

  37. Yes, bring in some God posts! And check out Jo in the book Little Women. Great name!

  38. I had 3 babies who all EVENTUALLY turned into great sleepers. A few things that worked in my desperate for sleep days: Letting them sleep in their carseat (there were phases where they slept SO much better slightly upright and we could rock them in their carseat & not transfer them & wake them up). Probably not something I did “right” but I decided along the way that I was going to have to give up on the doing everything right dream (:

    I also learned the there were things that if I ate it made them miserable. I know chocolate was a big one & my daughter has never LOVED chocolate & hated it when she was younger (weird girl LOL). Cabbage & veggies messed with my son & he has never loved veggies as much as my other 2. It seemed like I had to eat what suited their taste for a while as a nursing mom but it was the difference in between sleep vs. no sleep so well worth skipping chocolate, cabbage, & other things that messed with them for a while (: And eventually when they were older we did the cry it out thing which was AWFUL but my kids are all amazing sleepers to this day & I think learning to sooth themselves when they were young helped get them there. Kids are happier (and WAY easier) when everyone is well rested too (;

  39. OMG <3 <3 <3 One, thank you for always being so so candid and vulnerable with all us readers. I feel like I was having a conversation with a friend. I can't even imagine what it's like to know exactly what you need and yet having to put someone else first. But I think your self-awareness and your understanding of what is a good thought and what isn't is so key to staying sane and happy during this time. Hope you're still enjoying some quality time with Andrew and finding those little pockets of magic in every single day (I'm sure those sweet cuddles are a big part of that) ;) Keep rocking it!

  40. I love everything about this post Kylie. I love your honesty and that you have the courage to not only choose what you feel is best for you and your family now, and that you’re looking at your own behaviour and decisions without any judgement. I also particularly loved this sentence “Andrew also reminded me that the cost of paying for childcare doesn’t fall only on me. We’re a family unit and everyone within that unit deserves to be fulfilled.” I think it basically sums up that you guys are strong together and have each others back! Good luck with everything and I think you’re doing amazing. (Haha and I had to laugh about your instaStory the other day when you were complaining about the shops with good taco’s and bad coffee vs. good coffee and bad taco’s! Must be a Texas thing to worry about that hahaha.. I don’t think I’d ever find someone in Australia with those problems ;) )

  41. Just want to give you some hope that when when babies are not the best newborn sleepers, they come out the other side of the 4 month sleep regression like champs. I had a friend whose baby went from never sleeping to 12 hours a night after the regression. They never looked back!

  42. A while ago you mentioned you were focusing on how to restore your pelvic floor. Can you give an update on how that’s going and what you are doing to work on it? I have a few issues in that department, even though i’ve never had a baby. I’ve always heard kegels are the thing to do but i just started researching them and i’ve found that there are some studies that say kegels can make your pelvic floor weaker! Help!

    • Hey Jordan, Unfortunately no advice to give here! Had never heard that about kegels, but I’d also never researched it much. I just youtubed “pelvic floor exercises after birth” and did those. I know there are pelvic floor specialists out there…maybe that could be an option for you?

  43. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant (which is a really lonely and weird space to be in when it’s not happening so easily) and I love reading posts from new mothers that are honest. It’s scary to think about sleep deprivation and all that newborn jazz, but you just get through, I guess! Parenting is not glamorous, but the rewards and joyful moments seem so worth it :)

    I am not religious so the God-centered content will not be my cup of tea, but I will continue to read the posts that don’t go too heavily that direction. Writing honestly about what motivates you is the only way to go and I commend you for wanting to express yourself authentically. You do you! Thanks for being a voice of reason in this slightly screwy world :)

    • Thanks for encouraging me to be me, Hillary! I tend to get more emails from readers wanting me to be them haha. Thanks for this<3 Sending you and your husband good thoughts as you two are trying to get pregnant. That has to be so tough<3

  44. Can I just say that your husband is awesome! “We’re a family unit and everyone within that unit deserves to be fulfilled.”
    I think he understand what the key to marriage is! All the pictures are so sweet and your thoughts are so comforting, I read your blog for a while before you were even pregnant, and always thought “yes, I understand what she is saying about self care but with a kid (or in my case 2) it just becomes so much harder to clear your head and take a bath”. But I can tell you, it will get so much better – and the most precious thing for me now is to find self care that involves the kids. You are doing great!
    And I am looking forward to the God-centered. I know it probably drives a few people away, so a lot of bloggers are staying away from it. But faith is self care, and I assume its an important part of life for you (as it is for me) and some of these things will become more important as you try to involve Jo and make her part of it.

  45. I love these posts. Your posts and Anne’s posts about babies have been the first blogs I have followed through the mothering experience. Any other blogger that became pregnant, I almost immediately abandoned their blog after. I’m not sure why, other than to realize that the idea of becoming a mother has been something I have struggled with in ways I never anticipated that I would. I love reading your raw, honest posts on the subjects. Areas that I envisioned to be so scary and reason I named I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mother, somehow don’t seem as scary as I thought they would. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us!

  46. Girl I love this. I have read your blog for a few months now & as a fellow RD/mama/formerly disordered eater,
    I just want to say THANK YOU for your honesty & heart. It’s tough to share things (especially the hard, vulnerable things) with people, let alone the internet! Keep letting your writing take you to new places, & I’m super excited to hear what the Lord has planned for your content. Praying for some better sleep for you too- my first little guy struggled with that too. Hang in there!

  47. I’m super excited for the God-centered content focused on body image. There is not a lot of that out there, especially from a professional in this world.

    Also, that picture of you and JoJo sleeping together is priceless. I love following your journey!

  48. I just ordered some gripe water! Do you just give it to her when she starts getting fussy? So glad to hear it worked!

    • Sooo it worked well for us a few times, but 5 mls was a lot to get down! We switched to another gas med that our pedi recommended that I only have to get 0.3 mls down. She’s sleeping SO much better now. Not sure if it’s just she’s growing up and sleeping better or the de-gasser is helping.

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