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Yeah…Immaeatthat

Jul 26

5 thoughts

1. In what ways does eating still feel complicated to you? 

I’m looking for some new blog post ideas and I think this question could generate some posts that would help you. Let me know in the comments!

2. Llama backpack

I got Jojo (let’s be honest…I got me) a llama backpack to pack her stuff in for preschool/daycare.  It’s adorable. Here’s an affiliate link for it if you’re interested –> llama backpack.  It makes Andrew sad whenever he looks at it because he feels like Jojo is getting old.

One of the things I will miss about having in-home childcare is the motivation it gave me to tidy-up the house two times a week (i.e. unload the dishwasher, sweep/vacuum, pick up the kitchen), because I didn’t want our nanny to spend all day in a messy house.  I used to always say I don’t see messes so I didn’t mind having a cluttered house, but since having Jo I’ve noticed I enjoy cleaning and having a clean house more than I ever have.  Maybe because there is so much noise now that I don’t want the “noise” clutter creates. 

3. Life update.

We’re moving mid August! FINALLY! It’s been a really slow process because the people we bought our new house from needed a 3-month lease back period and then we asked for a lease back period from our home’s new owners so we could wrap up the renovations at the new place.  But the renovations aren’t going to be done in time, so we’re moving into an Airbnb for a month and I’m really excited about it.  The Airbnb is super cute and in an area we likely wouldn’t ever live in. So it’ll feel like a little vacation (I hope lol).

We’ve started packing up boxes and the move finally feels real. Jo’s room is pretty bare now! It feels so good to clean out stuff!

The new house is coming along. Cabinets/vanities got built last week…

4. Something Robyn posted on Stories.

I saw Robyn/Paige post this excerpt from Landwhale on Stories (that’s an affiliate link). The line I loved was: “Once I am able to find some neutral space inside of me I will be able to continue allowing [my body] to disappear into the background.” So good.

5. And we’re only gonna do 4 thoughts in this 5 thoughts post, because that’s all I got haha.

Have a good weekend! 

51 comments on “5 thoughts”

  1. Okay ED topics I’d like to hear your take on: how to know how to eat these days with so many MLM supplement companies telling people eat this, no eat this, buy this. I don’t believe in that stuff but to educate people on it is great.
    Also so many “diets” or “ways to eat” these days. How to eat basics/intuitively and not give in to fad trends?

    Love your blog as an ED recovered (16 years) individual. Thanks for all your thoughtful and thought provoking posts!!
    And love that your a mom now too:)

  2. I’m not sure if this topic would work, but what about dissociative eating? I see it as checking out while eating and simply going through the motions. I think this is something normal and disordered eaters could struggle with, as well as those in recovery. I would also be interested to read about this topic in context to binge eating. And really any topic on binge eating would be okay because there are a lot of silent sufferers. You always do a great job using non-diet examples, and I find your posts very helpful!

    • Yes to this – sometimes I’m over eating to numb something. I know why I’m doing it and it’s so effective. How do I stop? Should I even worry about stopping since it actually works as a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one?)

      • I would love to read more about this too. I definitely notice that I use food to numb boredom, loneliness and sadness. Like Ana said, should I be trying to find new coping mechanisms? Meditating, therapy and other “positive” coping mechanisms haven’t worked well for me. I’m more likely to isolate myself and use drugs/alcohol to soothe my anxiety.

  3. I still struggle with how differently I should eat on days I don’t exercise and how to trust ,y body to acclimate. Do we change our eating on those days or stay consistant all week?

    • I second this! I feel like I unconsciously alter my eating habits on days I exercise vs. not, and it’s annoying and frustrating to try to reason why I do it!

    • Yes! I’d be very interested to read your thoughts on this.

    • My ED brain loves this rule about eating less on days I don’t exercise. I try to remind myself that the majority of my body’s energy needs come from simply being alive, ie breathing, blood pumping, brain working, etc. Also, rest days are recovery days where your body is building and replenishing and take plenty of energy as well. I’m sure Kylie would have a wonderful take on this! I also would recommend stopping following any “fitspiration” social media accounts or blogs that subscribe to diet mentality. This has helped me a ton in normalizing eating and exercise :)

    • I have trouble with this too! This was never a part of my ED until I was in treatment and was told I had to add food if I exercised at all, which I then took in the reverse to mean I couldn’t eat more if I didn’t exercise, even if I was hungry!

    • Yessss to this! Something I wonder as well, I tend to eat the same amount all week regardless of what movement I do. Trying to eat more on the days I work out more intensely and also trying to find a balance of listening to my body as some days we are more hungrier than others…

    • I second this!!! I too have a hard time navigating how to eat on a day I don’t move as much. With that, sometimes my mindset is still stuck in the intake = output and vise versa. 

  4. I’ve struggled with my digestion for a few years- alternating constipation and diarrhea. It’s never caused me pain but it’s never “normal”. I am wondering how to figure out the root issue without an elimination diet, which is what most doctors seem quick to prescribe. 

    • Yes to this! I have IBS and I struggle to manage it without having food rules.

    • I was coming to say just this. I struggle to stay the course with intuitive eating while still dealing with severe bloating and frequent constipation. I’ve done the medical route with a full work up, and the medicine helps some, but it feels like food is all I have left to manipulate. I don’t want to diet or eliminate food, but I’m also tired of feeling like there is a tight balloon in my stomach. 
      Also realize this could be too specific and complicated for a blog post, but I just thought I’d use the opportunity to vent!  

    • IBS sucks! It has made my recovery so much more difficult and convoluted. I would love to hear Kylie’s take on digestive issues and intuitive eating. I work with a HAES/eating disorder dietitian who is wonderful. I’ve been working through the FODMAP challenges which has been somewhat helpful, but it definitely gets twisted up with ED thoughts. I’m assuming the gentle nutrition piece of intuitive eating comes into play, but you have to get to that place first. Know that there are plenty of gas, bloating and pain sufferers out there (sometimes IBS can feel kind of lonely).

  5. Something I really struggle with is am I hungry enough to eat? I can get really stressed about my hunger and fullness signals because I went so long ignoring or tamping them down with lots of tea and water. Especially at work, I find I get hungrier in the office than days when I’m doing lots of physical activity! I always end up feeling super empty but not that hungry? I also have IBS so sometimes my signals are a bit wonky! Anyway I’ll cut my whinging short but a post about practicing intuitive eating when you have issues with your hunger/fullness signals/digestive issues would be an awesome read :)

    • Having IBS can really mess up my hunger and fullness too! 

    • I do find that I can’t do any brain work if I am hungry at all! But if doing something physical it is not so bad, the movement gives energy itself so it is easier if I have to eat later. 

    • I second a post on understanding hunger/fullness cues. I’ve recovered from HA twice, and understanding these cues is something I still struggle with. I feel like most meals I find myself unintentionally undereating (because I didn’t think I was “that” hungry…and then I’m starrrrrving soon after) or overeating (because I did think I was that hungry and then end up getting uncomfortably full). 

      I have found that there are some instances were I can’t eat intuitively and I have to eat beyond feeling full (usually at the end of the day so I don’t wake up feeling “empty” in the middle of the night), but during the day I really struggle to find that balance. 

      • Yes, what Kaitlyn said! I struggle to find balance during the day due to bloating and gastric issues (which interfere with hunger- fullness symbols), then eat more at night so I don’t wake up starving.
        And love love love your blog, Kylie!!!

  6. I’d love to know your thoughts on eating more because of peer/social pressure. For example- everyone at happy hour is eating nachos and they want you to indulge. Another example- Grandma insists on giving you a second piece of pie. 

    In these situations, I don’t want to eat more ___, but my people-pleasing attitude leads to uncomfortable fullness. 

    Thanks!

  7. Posts I would find helpful:
    1. Addressing eating to numb emotion 
    2. Eating when your hunger cues are wacky (we have a baby, I haven’t slept consistently in a while—and I find my hunger and fullness cues disappear)
    3. More food rule challenges! 
    4. Maybe this is too personal, but posts that touch on how you understand/engage with food and health and body image issues in light of your faith. 

  8. Your blog has changed my life (THANK YOU!!!)
    I would love your insight on:

    1. My roommate is struggling with an eating disorder, I’m more or less recovered from mine. Do you have tips on how to accompany loved ones without (on the one hand) getting triggered into a relapse and (on the other) being too harsh and impatient for them to recover?

    2. PLEASE do a digestion post!!! I struggle with severe IBS I’ve tried everything (cooking all my veggies, more sleep and less stress, no caffeine, less fiber, regular meal times). What can I do without restricting/food rules?

    3. Feeling comfortable in your own skin/body image, and concrete practices that help you get used to weight gain or in general just think about your appearance less.

    So grateful for your ministry.

  9. I would love to see more on gentle through an intuitive eating lens!!

  10. I’m in the trenches of recovery…the trenches…and I’m having a particularly hard time dealing with the pace of recovery. I feel like my body is changing faster than my brain which makes the body acceptance VERY difficult. I went to the doctor and got some “good” news about my health and I couldn’t help thinking about how much I hate the changing…logically I know it is a good thing to improve and work towards weight recovery but I honestly just hate it right now. How do I help my brain catch up?

  11. So one topic that’s been on my mind recently is fueling exercise. So I’m pretty active and love working out, but I feel like I’m in a very balanced place with it at this point in my life. Sometimes, though, I wonder if I am eating enough to fuel my workouts. I always eat when I’m hungry, but sometimes I wonder, is this enough or should I also be eating when I’m not hungry if I do work out regularly?

  12. How to balance when you’re trying to get rid of food rules/morality and see all foods as neutral and your mind is wanting certain foods but you know it won’t feel good to your body. This may be gentle nutrition? For example, I love ice cream and sweets and have been eating more of them since seeing that having rules only made me overeat them. But, there are times my stomach hurts or body just doesn’t feel great from eating too many sweets but my mind still wants them… How do you balance wanting to honor your body but not by putting in food rules?

    • Yes yes yes, this was what I was wanting to say out couldn’t think how to express it! How to balance giving yourself permission to eat all foods with not over eating or eating nothing but cake, pizza & milkshakes (my favourites)

  13. Hi Kylie! I love love LOVE your posts! :) They’re always so encouraging! :) I just wanted to respond to the first question you posed. I still have trouble with calorie counts. While I don’t calculate calories now, I still have a hard time not thinking about them. It’s hard for me to give myself total freedom with food because I have some calorie amounts memorized. So when I eat something that is high calorie, I find that number just rolling around in my head for hours after. This happens even though I know the science on calories and calorie counting shows that every body is different in calorie needs and how they use calories…but I can’t seem to get the “rules” I was once told about calories out of my head. It also makes eating out really difficult since many restaurants are required to put calorie counts on their menus… Any advice on tackling this issue??? Thanks! :)

    • I second this! In particular, I struggle with trying to ignore calorie counts on menus/labels. Recently I was majorly craving a piece of cake. So I went to my local grocery store that has a great bakery and found the exact piece of cake I wanted. Score! BUT OF COURSE even the bakery had to slap the calorie count on it. As soon as I saw that the piece of cake had xxxx calories, my ED brain just couldn’t get passed it. So I didn’t get the cake and was cranky/dissatisfied for not fulfilling my craving. Had I not seen the calories, I would’ve eaten the cake and been perfectly happy. Grrrr!

  14. My newest and biggest challenge right now in my recovery is introducing fear foods. I have gotten in such a habit with the foods I eat and I am definitely getting bored of them! My dietian and I have created some weekly goals for me to include new fear foods but part of me has no idea where to start based on what sounds good. Any tips for first introducing previously restricted foods and not completely loosing my mind!! Much love 

  15. I struggle with eating on the weekends/time off/when I’m alone. During the routine of the week I easily feed myself all meals and snacks, and after practice intuituve eating for three years it’s going smoothly. But when it’s just me at home, especially on weekends, I find myself sliding through meals and seem to eat random things at random times. How do you nourish yourself outside of routine? Cooking for just myself seems annoying and cumbersome. 

    And, bonus question, how do you handle other people’s fitness regimens? My partner is awesome/supportive/the best x1000, and has to pass physical fitness tests for work. Sometimes his 5am gym alarm feeds the ED voice in my head. How did you choose the hard rest over the easier run? 

    • That “bonus question” is HUGE for me. My partner runs often, he is usually training for one race or another, which often means his runs are very structured (in time, distance, pace etc). This is a big trigger for me because running was big for me in the peak of my ED behaviours, and I also to some degree, genuinely enjoyed it, but have had to cut back significantly to aid recovery. Do you have any suggestions on how to manage the anxiety and feelings of “if they’re doing ‘X’, I should be doing it too”? Or even the resentment or jealousy that can sometimes come up when your ED voice sees it as unfair that someone else is “allowed” to run, but you can’t.

  16. That paragraph was JUST SO GOOD. Props to Paige for sharing it first and cheers to a new house!!!!

  17. I think a good topic would be “how to not be so terrified of eating foods that our media/culture says causes cancer, disease, etc.” Sometimes I still feel anxious about eating foods that possibly cause cancer/disease because the plaster it everywhere on the media! Ugh, I hate it so much. Maybe some good tips/ways to deal with those kind of thoughts??

  18. Eating enough intuitively as an athlete has been a big challenge for me!

    LOVE all that you do, thank you! Congrats on your moving date, so exciting!!!

  19. Ooh, I’d love a post about listening to your hunger even when you don’t want to. I get irrationally upset when I eat what i think is “enough” and I’m still hungry and it’s a battle to get myself to eat more.

  20. Going out on the weekends and eating in a different way (ie more rich foods and cocktails). Not trying to eliminate these foods at all and I don’t feel restricted from palatable foods during the week, but I’d like to better balance the eating/drinking experiences that come with my social life better with simply feeling good. It’s not really a weight or body image issue per se…sometimes after a night out + greasy late night eats, my stomach just really isn’t happy with me! Any tips on taking a more intuitive approach to food on the weekend/going out would be really helpful!

  21. I would really love to hear your advice on how to navigate the in-between season of the intuitive eating journey (aka when you’ve made changes in your behavior but are having a harder time shifting your mindset and emotions/beliefs around food). I feel like I’ve made so much progress, especially in my behaviors and choosing to care for myself and not to restrict, but I think I still have a ways to go when it comes to truly feeling at peace mentally and emotionally.

    Also I would love to hear any advice you have on how to tune back into your hunger/fullness cues and cravings when you’ve restricted for so long. I have found such joy and freedom in incorporating all foods again, but at the same time, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the options and can’t seem to tune into what I actually need and want.

  22. Eating is still hard for me because I get so anxious when I’m hungry and want to immediately stop that feeling, but I get even more anxious when I’m full. Just a constant state of anxiety 😂

  23. #1: Information about food is coming at us from every which way and it’s all varied. This is bad for you and this is good for you and a vegan diet is the best and dairy is bad and donuts will give you diabetes and this food will mess up your gut biome and we should eat meat because it’s packed with protein and on and on. It’s hard not to feel guilt when we break ANY of those arbitrary rules and opinions. How do we tune all that out and, literally, go with what our gut wants without feeling guilt? 

  24. Congrats on your house!

    I would love to hear some thoughts on navigating life transitions in recovery from an ED- going to college, moving house (!), etc. I have a handle on food and exercise and feel like I am doing okay and then stress just knocks me sideways and my recovery falls apart. Prioritising looking after myself just doesn’t happen.

  25. I would love to hear your advice on what to do when you’re recovering from surgery and dealing with thoughts telling you not to eat to compensate for lack of movement. and the importance of food and rest in an injury recovery. that would be so helpful! :)

  26. First off, I LOVE the practical challenges for overcoming disordered eating. Like the pizza slicing one was a HUGE turning point for me and I’ve applied it to other meals that I tend to eat kind of “ritually” if that makes sense. So please more of those!
    Another thing I’d love to hear more about: you talk about how your Brian has so much more room for other stuff now that it’s not thinking about food 24/7. Well, I’m not quite there yet, but I’m finding as I’m trying to engage in interests besides my food and body and exercise, I’m getting stuck in a rut. Like I’ve almost forgotten how to incorporate anything else into my life because dieting is the only thing I feel good at anymore since I’ve been doing it so long. Could you write a post on how you started to rediscover and ignite those old passions in your life? Or even just incorporate small daily patterns or hobbies besides exercise and food related things? I’m finding this to be a struggle so I end up reverting my attention back to obsess about my body and dieting because it’s the only thing I feel like I’m consistently good at. 

  27. Eating still feel complicated to me when it comes to religious fasting. I want to fast for religious reasons but I don’t know how to do it safely without triggering. At this time I fast but still drink liquids such as oral nutrition supplements because going without any nutrition is too triggering. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic

  28. Hi Kylie,

    Love your posts! I’d really like to read a post regarding needing to eat more even though you aren’t hungry. I need to increase my calories for health reasons, but find it difficult when I don’t have normal hunger cues and don’t find myself overly hungry. It’s hard to wrap my head around eating more when I’m trying to just eat intuitively and listen to my body.

    Thanks so much!

  29. You mentioned this in a previous post, but I’d love to hear navigating intuitive eating with a spouse that eats differently than you (you mentioned Andrew doesn’t halways have 3 meals, 2 snacks or rhythmic way of eating). I struggle to support my spouse’s own way of eating and seeing the diffence between disordered and normal in him… if that makes sense. I want to provide all I’ve learned about IE, but struggle to see if his way of eating is normal for him, but not me. 

  30. I would LOVE to learn more about how to eat intuitively as an athlete. I am 2 years recovered from an ED, but still find it difficult to meet my nutritional needs as a very active person. I’ve worked with sports nutritionists in the past, but they just triggered me more than anything!

  31. Hi Kylie! Looks like you’ve got plenty of inspiration for new posts already, but for the main struggle is when I feel my breakfast or dinner doesn’t fit with what I class as “healthy”. I find it very difficult when my breakfast doesn’t include oats and/or fruit, and when my dinner doesn’t have lots of vegetables. I’m not afraid of eating treats, having snacks, gaining weight etc. But it is really hard for me to eat a “main meal” that doesn’t’ fit in with my perception of how things should be. So when we eat pizza, I will also add a salad, or if I have pancakes I will also add two pieces of fruit. It’s very annoying but I cant seem to get rid of these thoughts.

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