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Yeah…Immaeatthat

Jun 05

35 weeks pregnant + motherhood reflections

I’m 35 weeks and 4 days pregnant today and Jojo is 4 days short of 19 months. It was fun for me to go read the 35 week update from Jojo’s pregnancy after I wrote this one.

Reflections

One of my biggest realization since Jo was born was that I expected motherhood to be fulfilling all the time. Now that I’ve realized this, when motherhood is rather unfulfilling and draining, I can label it as such, “oh here’s one of those unfulfilling moments of parenthood.” Many an afternoon motherhood is not the source of fulfillment in my life and that really confused me for a bit. Some days/moments in newborn life (i.e. middle of the night wake-up calls when you haven’t slept more than a two hour stretch for days) felt like suffering to me. Motherhood is a sacrifice. I find it a hard balance to acknowledge the difficultly of the newborn time, but not live in / only talk about how rough it was. I think there is a great purpose to how hard that time is.

Now that Jo actually likes sleep, I’ve genuinely been enjoying our entry into the toddler years. Our days now are more in line with what I was expected early motherhood to look like. Playing make-believe, building forts, “mattress stomping” (aka when I take her mattress out of her crib and put it on the floor and she steps up and down on it and she thinks it’s just a grand ol’ time). And the idea of sleepovers in our sunroom under the stars has me beyond excited for when she’s big enough to sleep in a sleeping bag. When I was growing up, if there was a meteor shower my mom would make a pallet on the driveway and we’d sleep outside under the stars so we could wake-up and watch it. I can’t wait to do that with my girls.

The other day Jo found her shadow and was like, “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS THING?!!” It was heart-achingly cute.

I don’t think motherhood is all about my enjoyment, but man, it’s so nice when you’ve slept and a day goes smoothly with only minor hiccups, but I’m finding that I typically only feel like the day went smoothly on days I see clients / work outside the home. Stay at home mom life is such a recalibration of what “things going well” means. I’m continuing to learn certain lessons over and over again. Like, how a measure of a good day isn’t how little Jo cries or convincing myself x meltdown could’ve been avoided if I would’ve just done xyz. “Things going well” now means something more like, I was able to regroup after a plan fell through and make a new one on the spot or I had patience for Andrew or Jojo around xyz when last week I totally lost it on them for xyz or I reached out to a mom friend for support when a day went remarkably bad.

When I’m overwhelmed with motherhood these days I know I’m going to get a break when Jo goes to bed at the glorious hour of 7pm and sleeps until 7am. I know Andrew and I are gonna have at least 2 hours of chill time – together or separate – in the evening to recharge. However, with a newborn you have no predictable recharge time because you likely will be up throughout the night…and then you repeat that for months. So, because of that, maternity leave scares me a bit when I think about it. I think there’s purpose, growth, and a lesson in resilience to be found in those early days of parenting that calls moms and dads to be so self-sacrificing, but I’m nervous to do it again. But then I think about how Jo is going through a massive baby-loving phase and I can’t wait to see her interact with her little sister and I can’t wait for baby to be here.

Something else I’ve been thinking about…Jo wasn’t one of those baby’s who slept easily. After nighttime feedings she would be awake for at least 45 minutes, which was the hardest part of our sleep struggles. I was thinking how I did everything “right” with her sleep. I followed the rules. I didn’t nurse her to sleep. I did the eat-play-sleep cycle. I set a bedtime flow early on. AND we STILL decided we needed to sleep train. All that to say, this time I’m much more, “screw what they say is right. We’re going with what works for that week!”

Babymoon

In April, Andrew and I went glamping (sans Jojo) outside of Austin (we did our babymoon for Jo in Austin too!) for a little pre-baby getaway and it was awesome! I really wanted to go to Hawaii, but Andrew suggested what if we saved on airfare and instead used that money to stay somewhere nicer than we normally would. We stayed at this Airbnb for 3 nights and it was such a cool experience. The tent was so fancy. I mean, it had a bathtub!

Highlights of the trip included:

getting to try a Moon Milk latte from Summer Moon Coffee. Still not entirely sure what moon milk is. It involves white chocolate, I think. Was super good.

this hammock outside the tent. So nice to sit and read and journal in nature.

slow mornings at the tent w/ coffee cake (I used this mix and it was tasty!)

not having to cook any lunches or dinners for a couple days.

s’more making

Getting everything ready seems far less urgent 

This baby’s room is coming together far less quickly than Jo’s. I don’t feel as rushed. We got a dresser that was my grandma’s and Andrew painted it this weekend. I went with Sherwin-Williams’ Kendall Green for the color and LOVE it. Also picked up some new drawer pulls from Anthro for it.

We have all the essentials, now it’s just getting the baby clothes washed, organized, and put away.

Body warming up for birth

Growing a baby is the most truly awesome thing I’ve experienced. But my hips are so achy and my belly is so tight at this point! Some days I’m very ready to have my body back to myself so I can move easier and not have low level nausea be a constant anymore.

Last Friday (34 weeks and 6 days), I felt like baby girl had dropped. I’d had “lightening” sensations the week prior and I could suddenly feel her head in my pelvis more, my underwear felt constricting around the top band, my belly shape changed, and (the most unpleasant) a few days later hemorrhoids popped back up. After Jo’s birth it took months for the external hemorrhoids to go away and I haven’t missed them lol. Here we go again since I know they’ll get worse with pushing!

I had sporadic prodromal labor with Jo and I’ve had some super minor achy cramps start up this past week and a few painful sensations in my uterus and back in the middle of the night that wake me up, so we’ll see if everything ends up playing out similar to how Jo’s did. I have started listening to The Birth Hour podcast again just recently, since I like hearing about other women’s birth experiences. Sometimes in the evening after dinner I go into our sunroom and lay there and put an episode on and listen to it as it gets dark and the stars come out and it’s such a peaceful way to end the day. And other days I’m so massively uncomfortable by the end of the day that I just moan and groan to Andrew or my journal. Such is pregnancy!

For Jo’s birth I asked the Resident in the room to break my water when I was 8cm, since it hadn’t broken on it’s own yet and she offered. I think it’d be cool if labor started with my water breaking this time around…but who knows! My only slight concern that runs through my head about birth is about how tired I am these days. I’ve been thinking, “I’m gonna be too tired to push this baby out!” But lately when I’ve said that I’ve shifted it in my head to something different, like “you grew this baby, you will push her out” or “labor is waiting 9 months to meet her, the birth will be easy.”

Family maternity photoshoot 

In May we took our annual Laguna Beach trip and did a maternity photoshoot while there. I had this idea to have us all wearing swimsuits and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I just got the photos back this week and loved how they turned out. Here are a few, if you wanna see:

This pregnancy vs. Jo’s pregnancy

In some ways I’ve been able to enjoy this pregnancy more. I’ve definitely been more relaxed. For instance, sensations that would’ve had me thinking “this is labor! OMGSH. It’s too early!,” now come and go without me getting worked up. 

This pregnancy has also been rougher since I haven’t been able to nap when tired and have been sick a lot more (2 sinus infections that got bad enough to require antibiotics, 2 bouts of food poisoning, 1 week long stomach bug) vs. in Jo’s pregnancy I don’t think I got sick once. Such is life with a toddler who is in daycare! 

Just this week I’ve started to get so uncomfortable, especially towards the end of the day when I have a practically full grown baby + an adequate amount of food in my stomach that I get panicky that I can’t make it 4+ more week because everything is so tight and achy. And then my brain goes to, “there’s no way I’m making it to my due date.” But honestly that’s probably how everyone feels towards the end. I’m tired of being pregnant, but I’m in no hurry to not be pregnant. The 12 hours after welcoming Jojo into the world were the most magical of my entire life and I don’t want that time to be over. Giving birth and meeting Jojo was the first major life event that I was recovered for and the day was not clouded by my eating disorder – (aka the day wasn’t plagued with thoughts of needing to run or eat a certain way, as my graduations, wedding, and honeymoon were). 

Then newborn life with the sleep deprivation, hormones and unpredictability, and sacrifice being a mom requires came crashing down. We’ll see how this postpartum time goes. We learned a ton. I’ve grown at least a smidge more capacity for things not going smoothly / as planned (as they seem to not with a newborn/toddler). I’ve realized there are just certain things that aren’t fun to do with a toddler and that’s okay but doesn’t mean I won’t ever get to enjoy them again. 

classic mom-trying-to-get-child-to-smile photo

Looking back on the first year of Jo’s life I now think I experienced more anxiety than I realized. Oh, sweet Jojo, our little experimental child. For so much of the first year my first thought when I woke up every morning, “well it doesn’t matter what day it is because it’s going to suck no matter what.” I found it hard to be a new mom. It was hard to have your priorities aggressively and forcefully reorganized (even if I think it was necessary and good for that reorganization to happen). I found it hard to know if this was just what life was going to be like from now on or if something was wrong, but after about a year (~3 months after I stopped breastfeeding, ~3 months of Jo had started to consistently and dependably sleep, ~3 months of Jo consistently taking a bottle and me not having to worry that she was starving, ~3 months after she stopped spitting up, ~3 months of me feeling comfortable with the daycare she was at) I felt different and realized I wasn’t dreading everyday anymore. It wasn’t this obvious doom and gloom that kept me from functioning, but was a subtle dread over every day. Those first few newborn months were the hardest. I jokingly told Andrew the other day that, “soon we’re going to have to go back to hating each other.” To which he didn’t laugh. In those early newborn days when you’re so depleted and resentment is there and there isn’t any space for connection to happen naturally with your spouse…it’s rough. So much tension.

I’ve got a psychiatrist this time around and we’ve got a plan in place for postpartum. Because at that time I could voice, “I think I have postpartum anxiety,” I felt like it couldn’t really be that bad if I had the clarity to know that…but I don’t agree with that now that I’ve gotten to look back on those few months.

This time around I’ve also had pelvic congestion (I think that’s the technical term) and it’s brought me to tears a couple times with how painful it is. It popped up sporadically after sex in the 2nd/3rd trimester and usually only lasted a couple hours. I would be surprise ZERO if a pelvic floor specialist is in my future after this baby busts out.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot that has surprised me…I’m really looking forward to nursing again. Before Jo was born the idea of nursing grossed me out a bit, but I can’t wait to breastfed again. With Jo it didn’t end up making sense for me or her to nurse until a year of age (I was over it and really over pumping and Jo was less and less interested in me and more interested in solid food). I have no ambitions to make it to a year nursing baby #2…we’ll just see how it goes and what makes sense.

Prepping meals prior to baby’s arrival 

Wonderful friends and family kept me VERY well stocked with food after Jo’s birth and this time around I wanted to make sure I was just as stocked whether people bring us food or not. There is so little time to do anything in those early newborn weeks and if food isn’t made a priority I think it’s very easy to undereat (whether you have a ED past or not). If you’re interested in adequately feeding yourself and not having headaches the entire time / huge blood sugar swings, I do think you have to be prepared. So I’ve started that process. So far I’ve got 3 lunch or dinners in the freezer that just have to be dumped into the crockpot.

Breakfast was the time of day I had the least help and was most overwhelmed, so I want to have several breakfast options prepped before baby gets here. I really like the breakfast biscuits I made prior to Jojo’s arrival (which I ate all of before she got here haha and had to make more), so I plan on making those again.  Eggs frozen in the freezer and reheated are super nasty, so I’d rather not eat that again. But having the biscuits + bacon reading to go sounds like a good plan.

Movement 

This pregnancy I’ve noticed big slowdowns happen at 20 weeks, 30 weeks and 35 weeks.  At those points there were big shifts in the amount of energy I have each day and the type of movement I could do. 

I imagine I’ll swim a few more times before baby gets here, go to the chiropractor one more time (I’ve found some type of body work -chiropractor, massage, or even a pedicure that comes with a massage- in pregnancy feels so nice) and do anything else that feels nice and makes sense to me for helping my body rest and continue to open up. My hips feel so loose and, in some ways, unstable already. About this point until birth I like to visualize myself getting as soft and fleshly and loose as possible.

I have a lot of say on body image throughout this pregnancy…but I’ll save that for another post :)

Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with pregnancy + postpartum. Do you resonate with my experience or was it different for you?

46 comments on “35 weeks pregnant + motherhood reflections”

  1. Loved reading your thoughts/insights, but ESPECIALLY loved the pics (the one w/Jo pointing her finger is priceless). Warm wishes to you for a wonderful next chapter, Kylie! 🙏🏼

  2. Yesss, thank you for sharing! My motherhood experience changed when I realized this: My child crying less doesn’t mean I’m a better mom. I had postpartum anxiety after my second son really badly- I couldn’t drive or leave the house. I wish I had gotten help sooner. 

    • Man, Kathleen. That sounds so rough. Postpartum is such a vulnerable time for women. I remember thinking a month or so after Jo, while I was on the bathroom floor crying in the middle of the night and still feeling like my vagina had the flu (so painful) and was still bleeding, that, “women need more support through this! How do all mom’s go through this?! THIS IS INSANE!”

  3. I love reading your reflections and those photos are so awesome! My son is 2.5 years old and he didn’t sleep through the night or stop nursing until 2 years old. That panicky feeling at night lasting for 2 years really did a number on me. I’m not quite ready for a second kid because of it. I wish I didn’t spend so much time worrying or expecting his sleep to be different/fit a mold. I had a lot of mental health issues come up post partum and they’ve continued. I really enjoyed my pregnancy and a traumatic birth experience really impacted me more than I realized at the time. I feel really good in my skin and as a mother these days. This season comes with its challenges but I’m so much healthier in so many way. I don’t know if I’ll ever try for that newborn and baby stage again… it really rocked me. cheering you on!!

    • Phew! 2 years! That would do a number on a person!! A friend I really care about had a traumatic birth and it really impacted her as well and took awhile for her healing to start. That’s a hard thing to go through!

  4. Your honesty is refreshing! After my first son was born I was the happiest I’ve ever been. After my second son was born, I most likely had PPA/PPD and it was so hard. Having two tiny people who needed me constantly without sleep for almost a year was way harder than I anticipated. Now my babies are 5 and 2.5 and each day is a new adventure but we’re learning as we go! Best of luck. Some things are easier after baby #2 and some things are harder. You know when to ask for help now so that will make a huge difference. 

    • Yep. I’m anticipating some things being easier than the first time around and some things being way more complicated. Thanks for commenting, Amy!!

  5. Kylie. You’re still my biggest inspiration. Reading this has given me freedom in admitting some days are hard. Mothering is hard but I feel like I’m not allowed to even think that. I’ve carried a lot of guilt and self hate with me-and my kids are 3 and 8!!!! I love your realness and honesty and the hope you give me. You’ve not only inspired me with my food journey but in my mom journey. Thank you Kylie for a window to your heart and life. Love you! And good luck!!!! Xoxoxo

  6. I’m not a mom yet nor have I had a lasting pregnancy sadly, but this post (and all your others about pregnancy and motherhood – the hard, easy, lovely, and lonely) make me feel so much more at peace with the process, which I am admittedly nervous about! Thank you for being so forthcoming and honest with us! Best wishes for a bearable last few weeks, looking forward to more of your thoughts and good news! 

  7. Thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly!! I’m pregnant with my third and it’s interesting to deal with more pregnancy anxiety than I remember having with my first two. Part of it is because I was so sick in the first tri and it’s much more difficult to keep up with two young kiddos. Additionally, I think I’m just nervous for that wonderful but so challenging newborn stage also with two kiddos. But I do think I’ve learned to give myself a whole lot more grace and I know what’s important and what’s not. So I’m going to continue to keep that attitude during pregnancy.

    Best wishes!!

    • Hey Jenny! “I know what’s important and what’s not.” –> Yep. Andrew and I were just talking about this. I was complaining about some minor things – kitchen is always a mess, Jo fussy, trashcan always full and needing to be emptied – and he’s like, “the big things are taken care of…the bills are paid, we have family/friends we love, etc.” It’s a good reminder to know some things just really don’t matter.

  8. I really appreciate this post so much, it brought me to tears. As I get ready for baby number two, I’ve been reflecting on the last 2.5 years with my son Alyosha and feeling so emotional. My dad passed away since I gave birth to Osh and they had such a sweet bond. Osh reminds me so much of him in many ways. It’s so painful to think of the joy and bliss of a newborn but this time with the grief of my dad not being here. Just trying to let myself feel it all — the excitement and also the sadness. Thank you so much for these reflections. It’s so special to get to read!

  9. I loved reading this! I just had my second child in March, and my kids are almost exactly 2 years apart. I resonated with everything you said, especially with my first baby. But I think I have less anxiety this time around. With my first, I would panic when he woke up at night because I was so tired, and I dreaded go to sleep because I knew I’d be waking up a lot. But now, I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I know the night waking won’t last forever and neither will this phase of disconnection from my husband. I think that’s the part of your post that I found myself nodding along to the most. It’s so hard to connect during the first few months, especially physically, and it’s hard not to feel resentment towards him when I’m the one who has to constantly think about the baby’s eating schedule because I am her only food source. But I keep telling myself that this phase is a blip in my overall life and it will be over before I know it. Sending you lots of positive vibes as you head into the last few weeks of pregnancy!

  10. I love reading your thoughts because you are so honest! . I think a lot of what you said resonates with so many parents, especially the part about you and Andrew hating each other! It’s SO hard to function with a newborn. My husband is not s “baby” person. The crying/fussing, not knowing what the baby needs really stresses him out. He’s an amazing Dad,but that stage was hard for him. I think knowing you and your partners strengths and weaknesses and discussing ways you can help each other before the situation happens is really helpful. That way you are less likely to lash out in sleep deprived anger at 3am! Haha. 

    • Hey Kate! So true about knowing each other’s strengths and weakness and communicating what is helpful/needed in certain situations…before it’s 3am and everyone is lashing out haha. I don’t think either Andrew or I are baby people, so that season is all about both of us stepping up more than comes naturally.

  11. Hi Kylie! I’m also pregnant with baby #2. (14 weeks along and my son is 15 months.) It feels like you are inside my head. Just when you think you’ve figured out motherhood and you get in a “groove” with your husband and life, everything changes! I’m anxious to go through the newborn phase again, but knowing we survived it once means we can do it again. My husband was so supportive the first time around with not following the “rules” and that helped me tremendously. I’m just hoping with baby #2 that still works… I can’t wait to see and hear about this new journey. You got this!

  12. Loved reading this and agree with a lot of your thoughts! <3

  13. Thank you so much for this amazing post! Others have already commented on this, but your honesty is so relatable. I had my daughter 10 Days before Jo was born so I have really enjoyed your posts since they are so close in age! The newborn phase was hell for me. I am so glad that I can hear from other moms who also felt like It was incredibly challenging. The lack of sleep, breastfeeding struggles, and the transition to motherhood were so so difficult for me. We sleep trained at six months and it was the best decision ever! I am really scared to have another baby because I don’t want to go through the newborn phase agin. I’m sure I had mild PPA so I know I could do a lot of things/get support  to make it less anxiety provoking next time. I look forward to hearing your thoughts about having two little ones! I need inspiration and courage before having another. I Love your blog. Thank you for sharing with us. 

  14. Kylie,
    Once again, your post has brought me so much peace. I too, really struggled with motherhood (my daughter is 20 months). I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but the first year + was SO hard for me. The exhaustion, loss of freedom, crying/tantrums….I felt like I lost the life I had. Looking back, I definitely had some post-partum anxiety/depression. There have even been times I’ve questioned having another child. Thank you for being so honest Kylie. You are such an inspiration to me. Prayers to you, Andrew, Jo, and Jo’s soon to be little sister.

  15. Those photos are beautiful Kylie, love the bathing suits! I totally relate to so much of what you said here. It’s so funny that before baby #1, you just don’t know what you don’t know. I had this fantasy about how amazing postpartum life would be with a newborn and instead, it was complete chaos and I was so overwhelmed with having no idea what I was doing. Now my daughter is 14 months and everything is more predictable with sleep, feedings, etc and it’s my favorite stage yet. I will feel so much more prepared about what to expect when we have baby #2. Yet the newborn stage and unpredictability still scares me. I like your idea of saying “screw what they say, just do what works.”

    • Agreed! I feel much more prepared for what to expect with baby #2 and don’t think I’ll struggle quite as much with not having an answer to sleep issues / feeding issues / etc. and just be able to move along through the first few months without feeling like I have to figure out some grand solution to xyz. Thanks for commenting, Sarah!

  16. This was such a wonderful read. I’m 31 weeks pregnant with my first and we are planning to have another close together like you (of course we’ll see how that goes and how we feel!). Pregnancy has been interesting for me. I can honestly say that I’ve enjoyed being pregnant, but have mightily struggled with depression, anxiety and my eating disorder throughout. I’m sad that I’ve been struggling mentally so much and slightly terrified about how I will cope with postpartum. My treatment team and I are starting to realize that my anorexia is more closely tied to OCD than anything else, and postpartum is all about lack of control and rolling with the punches of everyday life with a newborn. I have an amazingly supportive husband, but sometimes I really struggle to cope well and function on a normal level already. It’s interesting, I think the reason I can say that I’ve enjoyed being pregnant so much is that I’ve never had a better relationship with my body and I’ve mentally felt this bad before. If the only experience I’d had with mental illness had been with pregnancy, I probably would have said that it was horrible. But knowing that all the mental health stuff was there before our Little Mac Nut finally came along, has made me able to look past the discomforts and physical frustrations and see the wonder of what being pregnant can be. Maybe I’ll try to take that same mindset into postpartum. It’s going to be hard, but we will muddle our way through somehow.

  17. Thank you SO much for sharing your experiences and insights throughout both pregnancies! I can’t tell you how much it has helped me as someone in the midst of her intuitive eating journey (thankfully fairly far along now) and also exactly halfway through my first pregnancy. Reading through all of your posts gave me so much peace and really opened me up to let go of the need for control and to be present to the changes and feelings that I have been experiencing.

    One quick question I do have for you is how you navigated childcare. This is something I don’t have any experience with and never went through myself as a kid, so I’m curious how that experience was for you both logistically and emotionally.

    • I wanted to continue working part-time (~25 hrs/wk), so we found a little preschool and Jo goes from 8am-2pm, 2 days a week. We also have helpful grandparents who help us and take her for a day a week and pick her up at 2pm so I can see afternoon/evening clients. We initially got an in-home nanny for a few months, but then she got into grad school and we needed to find another childcare option so we found the preschool, which ended up being WAY better for us – financially and I found I liked knowing there were multiple sets of eyes on Jo, rather than just one. I’d say getting a preschool close to one’s house is nice, rather than close to work, since that way both parent’s can do drop offs easily.

      Emotionally it was hard to leave her at the school and feel like she was safe there. I had to tell myself constantly in the beginning, “these people are TRAINED to take care of babies. They can do just as good of a job as me.” As I got to know her caregivers, I found myself feeling less panicky about her being there and was able to focus on being grateful to have some help! She didn’t nap well there. She didn’t take a bottle well. But things at home weren’t going remarkably smoothly. I just don’t think newborns go remarkably smoothly…so we went with it and survived the first year. After that things started getting easier. Somedays at drop offs there are still tears, she doesn’t nap, etc., but that’s how somedays go when she’s home with me too. Really happy with the set-up now and little sister will go to the same school much earlier than I was comfortable sending Jo there, since I’m more comfortable with the school now.

  18. I am in love with this post. I feel like we could be such good friends in person. So much of this post resonates with me. My daughter will be 3 next week and everything you said was like, “Yup.”
    1. The shadow thing is so funny. She still trips out at her shadow, nevermind the dogs’ shadows.
    2. That green is GORGEOUS. Good choice.
    3. The hammock at that AirBNB is perfect.
    4. Pelvic floor therapy for the win. Though I peed a little not too long ago while jumping on a trampoline. :(
    5. It took me a hot minute to get on board with my kid’s daycare too. I feel uncomfortable when I have to speak up about something, but my Mama Bear is getting better.
    6. The swimsuits were an amazing choice. I LOVE the one where you’re alone, with your eyes closed.
    7. At 35.5 weeks, I really had no idea how my body would keep going for another several. It did. :) Our bodies are built for this, even though it keeps surprising us.
    8. My eating disorder had its second massive spiral when I tried to “lose the baby weight” 9 months post-partum, and my PPD was off the charts. I’m glad you are already planning for the support you know you’ll need. Smart. Self-care.
    9. I live in Austin. I know this is super weird, but I would be totally up for meeting you if you come visit again. :) Again, I know that’s weird and quasi-stalkery but you just seem like someone I would be friends with IRL. At any rate, I’m a loyal blog follower. :)

    • haha about your Mama Bear! My Mama Bear has started to crack me up. There are many things I don’t tolerate anymore that before having kids I would’ve easily let slid…but baby needs to be protected. Making sure my reaction is in line with the situation at hand is another discussion to be had :|

  19. Thank you once again for such an honest and good read! I’m 15 weeks pregnant now and i’m having a hard time with my changing body. My entire life I’ve tried to hide my stomach (even after I’ve embraced intuitive eating and body acceptance) and now I feel like I’m supposed to embrace it. Not only that but I have a “b-belly” so it’s not even a cute/normal bump. I can’t wait to read the post you mention on body image in pregnancy.

    • Hey Jordan! Pregnancy was the first time I really felt anything positive about my belly. Not necessarily loving what it looked like, but it was the first time I could muster up an appreciation for it…something that wasn’t rooted in negativity or just thinking neutrally about it. I’m curious to see what your experience will be as you move into the later stages of pregnancy when baby is super present with his/her movements inside your belly, an area of your body it sounds like you’ve tended to dissociate away from in the past…but when baby is moving and shaking in there it’s hard to not connect with it more than ever.

  20. So interesting to hear others ideas and expectations about motherhood. I went into first time motherhood expecting it to be horrible all the time. I think some of us absorb the ‘children are a burden/ hassle/ life ruiners’ narrative more. The good thing about that is I was pleasantly surprised it was enjoyable at times. Anyway all the best to you, the baby + toddler together stage is hardcore. Lol. But it doesn’t last forever. Jo is truly very cute 💛

    • haha interesting. I was the first to have kids among my sisters / sister-in-law, so I hadn’t heard of anyone’s experience and then was blindsided by how trying it was. Maybe if there would’ve been more kids around I would’ve expected it to go differently. Who knows! Thanks for the well-wishes, Cate!

  21. Thank you so much Kylie for your honesty and genuineness about sharing the struggles of postpartum and the newborn phase, I am currently 32 weeks with my first and am anxious about all the changes that are going to take place. So happy to hear you have got yourself a village around you with your mental health as this will make a difference and the more we talk about perinatal mental health the better. Wishing you all the best in this new chapter and season of life xx

  22. I haven’t read all the comments, so maybe it’s already been brought up, but have you considered having a post partum doula for the first few weeks or months? I’m such a believer in having extra support during those first tender days! Doula services vary, but can help with everything from food prep, caring for older kids, and just holding the baby so you can shower, sleep or regroup emotionally. I’m definitely going to budget for a PP doula next time around, and wondered if you’d considered it. Wishing you wonderful last weeks of pregnancy and a happy birth!

    • Hi Anna, thanks for commenting! We have a lot of family help I’d want to encourage myself to rely more on before I went the PP doula route. I think it’s a great option for many though! Thanks for the well wishes!

  23. OMG Jo is so freakin’ cute!!! She must be so much fun at this age.
    Your photoshoot pics are absolutely gorgeous as well. I really like that you got them with the whole fam, they’ll be nice to have later on in life. :)

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