How to be okay gaining weight.

Alternatively titled, “how to be okay respecting your body’s natural size”.

If you feel like you are at war with your body and weight, realize that it’s very similar to if you spend your life driving around in your car with the emergency brake on.  It is physically and mentally damaging and draining.

There is another way to live.  And that way is found when you stop fighting the size your body wants to be at and instead start working with your body.  

How to be okay being at your body’s natural size: 

#1 Know that Set Point Weight Theory is a thing.

Set point weight theory states that your body has a weight range where it wants to stay and your body will make an effort to keep you in that weight range (for example, slowing your metabolism when you under eat).  Read more about your set point weight here.  Your weight is not as simple as calories in and calories out.  You are not a machine that gets one type of fuel.  

There is a weight for you where you do not have to constantly be fighting your body and obsessively controlling your food and exercise.  Are you really going to spend your entire life obsessing over food and depriving yourself just so you can weigh 10 pounds less? What if gaining 10 pounds frees you?! Frees your brain space up for YOU to be YOU!

The wonderful thing about your set point weight is that once you reach your set point weight, you don’t have to fight your body anymore.  You eat consistently throughout the day.  You honor your cravings/hunger/fullness.  You don’t have to obsess about food anymore. You are aware of when you are using food to cover up an emotion and you have curiosity about how you can handle the situation different in the future.  However, do know that throughout life your body will constantly be changing, which means your set point weight will change throughout life stages.

To respect your body’s natural size, you have to want to respect your body’s natural size.  But the problem is that you may not want to respect your body’s natural size.  You may not care about being healthy.  You may just want to be skinny.

is your goal healthy or skinny? |

#2 Start decoupling weight and health.  

Your weight matters very little.  It is your behaviors and attitudes around food and movement that matter.  Research has shown that BMI does not do a good job of assessing health status.  And this fun video discusses how your attitudes about food could impact your health. (psst.  Thanks to Robyn for sending me that video<3).

#3 Get off the scale.

If there was someone in your life that made you feel terrible about yourself 90% of the time, I hope that you would set a boundary with that person and stop seeing them.  You have zero responsibility to stay in toxic relationships.  The first step is to recognize the toxic relationship.  So question time: Do you have a toxic relationship with your scale?

Your weight will continue to matter to you too much until you stop getting on the scale.  Again I say, focus on behaviors.  Drop the scale and pick up a new exercise class to try each month.  OR take a break from exercise classes and free yourself to only walk and do yoga for a month (side note: if you are stuck in an exercise obsession, taking a break from activity is KEY.  Find movement to do that you don’t sweat while doing and GIVE YOURSELF A FREAKING BREAK.  STOP being a bully to your body.).  what I think of the scale |

#4 Know that you are not more valuable if you take up less space.

You will actually be more valuable to society when your brain space isn’t clouded with obsessive thoughts about your body and your eating.

I leave you with epic words from Kate Winslet (totally stole this from Pinterest).

Kate Winslet Wisdom |

If you are struggling to accept your body/stop disordered eating, find an eating disorder dietitian to work with.  Either come work with me for a couple sessions (or another one of my RD friends) or find an eating disorder dietitian in your area.  An ED dietitian will know how to help you with disordered eating.  You do not have to have an eating disorder to see an ED dietitian. It’s time to get over this crap and get your life and brain space back.  Don’t spend your 20s, 30s, 40s or 50s struggling with this crap.  Reach out for support so you can start to move on with your life.

If you have a difficult relationship with food and your body, I hope you will look into my online course and see if it is something that resonates with you.

{Disclosure: Anytime I have a post that deals with feelings, I like to disclose that I AM NOT A THERAPIST.  If you need to talk more about your feelings, I encourage you to meet with a certified eating disorder specialized therapist instead of reading my posts.  I love you reading my posts, but I also care about you enough to encourage you to get support if you need it!}


  1. Kylie,

    I’ve been following your blog for a long time now, and I really love the direction you’ve taken! I love your recipes, but I also love the positive body messages you’ve been sending out.

    Thank you!

  2. I agree!! I LOVE these new body positivity and awareness posts. But also obviously love all your delicious recipes as well!

  3. It’s insane how much brain space is wasted on the desire to be thin in our society. It’s especially sad how much it disportionately affects women.
    I have definitely come to appreciate the self point theory. Life is so much better when I’m not striving for a specific weight.

  4. AMAZING POST!!! I have just recently come to acceptance of my own body and I have you to partly thank for it. Your posts on body positivity have helped me so much come to be proud of my body. Thank you so much and keep doing what you do! I hope, like you, I can make an impact in the body positivity movement. 

  5. Each and every one of your posts inspires me Kylie! I love love love this. The day I stopped putting my worth into that freaking number on the scale was one of the greatest days of my life. Like you said, it is so important to stop  decoupling weight and health; because there is so much more to health than what you weigh! 

  6. love love looooooove! <3 exactly the info I try to share with my clients and friends:)

  7. Love this.  Love the message.  At 43 years old, I still need this reminder!  I’ve given up the scale but I still stress and worry….what if I had to step on it today, what would it say?!?  Young girls need to hear this.  I don’t want them living and wasting years with these feelings and obsessions! 

  8. Fantastic message. Some of the most difficult work involved in recovering from an eating disorder is un-learning the desire to be “thin” and re-learning what it is to be actually, really healthy. I also found that video fascinating! I’m sharing it everywhere now.

  9. Yes! What a wonderful post. “You are not more valuable if you take up less space”, I absolutely love that quote.
    And I completely agree that we have a set weight. 

  10. Hi! I just wanted to drop you a note to say that I really love your blog! I appreciate your positive attitude and smart thoughts about eating. Your recipes and photographs are super fun, too! And, I LOVE the “day in the life” posts and “what I ate” posts. Because I’m nosy like that. :-) Thank you!

  11. Thank you so much for sharing this, I love the message you are sending.  As a woman, it is so easy to tear ourselves apart when it comes to body weight and image, and I am guilty of it too.  We live in a society where we are so obsessed with image and have become so out of tune with our bodies and how we feel.  I really liked the Kate Winslet quote you included, and I hope to remember that when I have a kid someday. 

  12. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this! This was exactly what I needed today, especially post weigh-in with the nutritionist. Happy to say, though, progress is being made! Your posts are so motivational (and delicious), this is awesome!

  13. I needed this. Thank you so much! I’ve been struggling with some body image issues lately and this came at just the right time, it’s like you read my mind. I have had problems with orthorexia in the past and have slowly but steadily improved my overall health with my relationship with food over time. It’s frustrating to me lately because I’m definitely at a healthier weight, but my body seems to LOVE to carry most of it in my thighs and booty, which is a problem when it keeps growing. I’m tired of buying new clothes every few months. I have been wondering if it is my birth control causing my hormones to fluctuate with too much estrogen causing me to hang on to weight? Because it seems no matter how much I exercise on a normal (healthy) basis and I eat far less food (because I was eating wayyy too much food 2 years ago) and far healthier now than I ever have and yet the weight keeps packing on to my thighs and butt….it can be very frustrating. Sorry for the rant, but this article does help. So thank you!

  14. I cannot put into words how your posts lately have helped me. I am struggling to gain weight, but this has made me realize how insignificant it is in the big picture. I am motivated now more than ever to find my natural weight and find balance in my life. Thank you so much Kylie. 

  15. I feel like I’m just going to repeat what everyone else is saying, but I had to leave a comment. These posts are awesome Kylie and by continuously sending this message I really think you are helping a lot of people. While I definitely think that they are helping people already struggling with ED’s, I think they hit home even more for people like me, who love to read all the health&fitness blogs, browsing healthy recipes and new exercise routines, but sometimes forget that life is all about balance and loving yourself. That dessert doesn’t have to be ‘healthyfied’ and that it is OK to have a buttery sugary (doughy!) cinnamon role for breakfast every once in a while. Thank you!! And good luck with the kitchen reno’s!! :)

  16. This is absolutely perfect. We are all different and need to listen to ourselves instead of comparing. Well said!!

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  18. Every day I wake up with the same thought…. I’m fat… it ruins my day… stops me from enjoying food and I live with constant guilt about food and eating… I love this post. Really makes me think. Thanks so much.

  19. When I think your posts can’t get any more amazing, they do! I so needed this. It’s crazy how much information is out there about what healthy looks like. There are a lot of misconceptions and I’m glad you’re combating that one post at a time! 

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  21. Hi Kylie :)

    I am from Houston (but now reside in San Francisco) and your blog/Insta brings me little slices of the Heights and Memorial area that I miss so much sometimes- thanks! anyway, this is so true, appreciated, and always well-timed. Once I stopped obsessing and dialed back exercise I didn’t want to do/enjoy in the first place, I found my natural appetite to be the best weight regulator of all time. Just like moods, noticing the variability in my hunger and the fact that some days I might feel like a garbage disposal and others I might just pick here and there and HONORING it has changed my life- honestly. I medically withdrew from school due to an ED years back (and finished later) but to be thriving as a functioning adult thanks to the most basic of human functions makes me so proud and glad to know others dedicate their life to advocating this! So thank you!

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  25. Such a great post at a time I needed to read this!

  26. Huge fist bump, girl. I love this article and am so glad you’re spreading healthy messages online. We need you! Now I’m off to share this with about a million people.

  27. This is awesome!  Thank you for being such a positive voice and sending this powerful and important message!

  28. i have been a reader (and recipe tryer) of your blog for a while now and it is certainly one of my daily checks. this post in particular triggered an emotion in me to finally share my story of overcoming my eating disorder. (!climbing-my-mountain/opc3g/56d04f770cf24bcda4762693) so i just want to say thank you. thank you for your encouraging words and advice. i hope that others can find in this what i have found in your blog. 

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