Rewind 5 years and my best body image days were the ones I felt the skinniest. For years I would say my best body image days were just that. If I felt thin, that was good. I was good. But these days, things are different.
These days my best body image days are the ones where I…
go to work
eat lunch & snacks
maybe move my body in some way if there is time
do something for selfcare – time with Andrew, evening walk, painting, journaling, Netflix
have a snack
get in bed
…and not once think about the size of my body.
I really do feel like I have rewired my brain in terms of body image. It’s taken me a while to accept where my body has ended up (and there are days it’s still hard…society is a bitch with it’s expectations for bodies. The goal is to be healthy, not to conform to society.). But I have learned that having fat on my body does not mean I am overeating. Having some level of fat on my body means I’m taking care of myself.
I do still have bad body image days. They are far less frequent than they used to be (I mean, they used to be every single day of my life). But I now recognize that on these days there is something going on inside that I don’t know how to process at the moment and an easy way for me to deal with it is to pretend the problem is with my body’s size. On those days, I take time to ask myself, “what do you need?”
I feel like bullies are bullies because they have some internal struggle that they can’t process, so they pick on others as a way to cope. I was a bully to my body for years, but now I know if I’m beating up on my body, there is something going on inside that I need to take time to connect with and process.
One of my favorite sayings is: I didn’t come this far to only come this far. I will continue taking care of my body and being kind to it. I hope you will do the same for your body :)
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