19 weeks as a mom.

Hey guys! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! Today I’m gonna give you an update on some mom things and tomorrow my travel lovers will want to check in! But for now…


My body (from a healing perspective) feels 100% back to normal now.  It feels really good to be able to move again.  Most of my movement these days are stroller walks with Jo (gonna miss these once Houston summer heat sets in and it’s pretty much impossible to walk outside after 7am) and kickboxing or dumbbell circuit-esque Fitness Blender videos.  If you’re sensitive to calorie counts, most Fitness Blender videos aren’t for you.  It took me until 2 weeks ago to be able to make it all the way through any Fitness Blender video because Jo always would end up waking up/needing me and I’d stop lol.  When I made it through an entire one without her waking up I was like FINALLY!!!!

(also, yay for azalea blooming season….)

Recently I was thinking about the difference between the level of movement needed to be physically healthy vs the level of movement needed to change your body.  I mean, do we really need hour long cycling classes?! I really don’t think we do.  If you enjoy that…awesome! But that’s not right for me and Jo.  In postpartum my goal has been physical health, not to see how toned x can get.  I like moving.  It feels good.  I don’t take it to extremes.  I’ve come a long way with exercise and it feels so effortless now to be kind to my body and not try to change it through exercise. If you’re looking for some first steps to take to get to a better place with rigid exercise, any of those posts in the above link or course module 6 would be a good fit for you.

Sleep training

With Jojo we decided to do Ferber Method.  The idea of letting her cry it out (CIO) was so tough for me (as I imagine it is for any first time parent).  Just thinking about doing it was one of the big things that pushed me to go to therapy because I couldn’t handle even thinking about it without feeling SO overwhelmed and emotional.  I just figured Jo was a bad sleeper and nothing would help.  The CIO method seemed awful and the opposite of nurturing, but now having done it I disagree.  Jojo is way better rested + less fussy overall since doing it and it’s been SUCH A GAME CHANGER for my sleep hygiene as well. 

A lot of the feedback I got about having trouble getting Jo to sleep more was that she was overtired.  I hated that advice because I was like I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO GET HER TO SLEEP MORE! I feel like we were stuck in this cycle of Jo being overly tired and couldn’t get out of it.   Plus, the “witching hour” from 7pm-10pm every night was especially awful for us and Jo would pretty much cry that entire time or only take 10 minute naps during those 3 hours.  It was so daunting going into nighttime knowing 3 hours of her being upset was ahead of us.  I also now think she was a colicky baby.  And if she wasn’t a colicky baby then I don’t wanna see a baby who is because it’s hard for me to imagine a baby crying anymore than Jo did some evenings.

Out of desperation (so tired.) we started co-sleeping around 2 1/2 months and anytime Jo would wake up I’d just stick a boob in her mouth and let her fall asleep on the boob. I loved cosleeping, even though our pediatrician was like yikessss and tried to talk me out of it twice.  I thought co-sleeping was so sweet.  I loved cuddling with her and a lot of night I miss it.  But for a lot of reasons having her in her crib is better for us.

I have two mom friends who had sleep training success stories and really encouraged me that Ferber/CIO would work for Jo and it would help her be able to self soothe and it would help me get more sleep.  The first night we did CIO I texted both of those friends for support.  I don’t think I could’ve done it without them.

Here’s how Jojo did at bedtime (naps are still rough sometimes, but she’s figuring out how to put herself to sleep during the day too):

1st night – cried an hour (I took a LONG shower and then sat in our garage with music on while Andrew did the checks).

2nd night – cried 40 minutes
3rd night – cried 30 minutes
4th night – cried 5 minutes
5th thru 9th nights – cried zero to 15 minutes

Then she stayed asleep for at least 3 hours before she’d need to eat again.  Some nights she gave me a 7 hours stretch.  SO DIFFERENT than her 2 weeks prior.  One of the biggest changes has really been seen in the middle of the night.  Before when Jo would wake up to eat, she’d have to be rocked/bobbed for an hour before she’d drift off to sleep and then when I’d try to transfer to her crib she’d wake up.  SO ROUGH (one of the reasons why we started co-sleeping).  But now when Jo wakes up in the middle of the night to eat (currently she’s doing 1-3 wake-ups/night) I feed her and place her back in her crib and she’s asleep within 30 seconds.  I was so sure sleep training would not work for us.  I still can’t believe how great it’s been.

Also, Jo has decided she wants to sleep on her belly…so we’re going with it.  She rolled over onto her belly a couple times to sleep and she seems to sleep better like that so now we put her down at night on her belly.

In the morning when it’s time to wake her up I scoop her up and we cuddle/play in my bed for as long as we can before our day starts.  I do miss co-sleeping with her, but my friends reminded me that this doesn’t mean I can never cuddle with her in bed again.  For our family her sleeping in our bed longterm wasn’t what we wanted, so I’m glad she’s in her crib for now.


Still going good and I’m really enjoying it.  Sometimes I already feel sad thinking about when it’s going to be time to stop nursing.  I follow some lactation consultants on IG and did you know that if you adopt a baby (I believe after you have already nursed another baby) you can nurse that baby!? Like your body will remember how to produce milk if you start pumping before you get the baby + I think you may also take some med/hormone to stimulate milk production.  Adoption isn’t on our hearts at this time, but I think it’d be such a cool bonding thing for you moms who wanna adopt. 

Currently Jojo is back to a i-hate-the-bottle-again phase so I’m coming home or our nanny is bringing her to me on days I work so I can feed her.  I think there may be a part of me that doesn’t want the bottle to work that bad so I’m not consistent with it because 1) I enjoy nursing and 2) I don’t love pumping.  I really think if the bottle had to work Jojo could make it work.  When she gets hungry enough she will take the bottle and she randomly held her bottle herself last Wednesday when Andrew was keeping her.  Usually when someone tries to give her a bottle she gets ANGRY.  Really angry. She’s all like this isn’t a boob, I hate this, I hate you, boohoohoo, scream.

I do think if you’re someone who struggles with accepting your postpartum body that nursing could be tough because there are many times when I just feel exposed.  When I’m feeding Jo I’m always sitting, so my belly folds into rolls (as a belly of a person who is sitting does) and sometimes I’m not wearing a shirt if we’re at home and it’s just different.  I just mention this to say if you are in postpartum (or just a human being) and your belly has rolls…that’s okay.  That’s just how belly’s work sometimes.


I feel like Andrew and me are finding our stride more with marriage + a baby.  At my request, we are starting to trade off on bath time duty each night so Jo doesn’t get used to just me doing it.  One night a week I see a late client or two and Andrew stays with Jo, which I really enjoy because I get to shower, put on real clothes, and leave the house after a day of being covered in baby bodily fluids lol.

(Jojo in my vintage 1990 baby dress from when I was a baby…)

I feel like the learning curve of baby things was steeper for me, but Andrew is catching up now.  There are so many things that Andrew works so hard at for us (including some changes I’ll be sharing soon that I’m excited about), but I needed more support with Jojo.  So now Andrew cooks dinners for us at least half the week (among the other things he does, but that’s just a new change).  It’s been hard and wonderful to have to care for a baby when we each have different ways of going about things, but I think this is exactly how this whole marriage with kids thing goes.  You can’t practice this until ya got the kid haha.  There’s just so much more communication that has to happen now.  Andrew and I didn’t need each other before like we need each other now, which sometimes I think is so awesome…and other times I think is really annoying lol.  Overall I feel we’re getting more and more on the same page each month and that feels really good.

And just gonna leave this one here…having Jojo out of the bed has been good for some aspects of marriage in particular. ;)

Living in fear

For the first 4 1/2 months of Jojo’s life (up until we sleep trained), I felt like I was constantly living in fear of her waking up when she had fallen asleep.  Occasionally I still feel that feeling when I go to bed later in the evening and I can feel myself getting overwhelmed with the idea that Jo is gonna wake up as soon as I fall asleep and then I’m not gonna get to sleep blah blah blah.  Just last week was the first week I could feel that sense of living in fear of her waking up weakening a tiny bit and that feels so healthy for me!  That living in fear feeling could also be described as never being able to relax.

Getting easier and then again…

There are still times things don’t go as planned.  Like when I have to put on the Ergobaby and walk around while eating my dinner because Joanna is having a meltdown at the table (see below), but overall I’m adjusting to being a mom and Jo is adjusting to being in the world and because I’m getting more sleep life seems a lot less hard. 


It’s been really helpful.  Should’ve gone sooner.  

Any thoughts? I love hearing from my mom/aunt/future mom readers! 


  1. Oh my gosh! She sounds just like my first with the sleep issues! I did all the same things and eventually let him CIO at 4 months. It was the best decision, none of us were getting any sleep. Now having my second we started leaving her in her crib a little by her self from an earlier age and she’s a much better sleeper. I’m not sure how old your baby is, but around 6 months the “witching hour” usually starts to go away and they are able to expend that energy in other ways. Hang in there! You are doing a great job😊

    • Jo is 4 1/2 months. That witching hour was NO JOKE! So glad we did CIO to help her get over whatever the heck was contributing to her being late fussy at night for hours. I imagine it was just her being so overly tired by the end of the day because she could never get good sleep. Thanks for commenting, Holly!

  2. YAY! I went through similar problems with my 1st child until I read Ferber’s book when she was about 7 months old. CHANGED MY LIFE!! I read it cover to cover in 24 hours and within 3 days, Charlotte was sleeping through the night with one quick nursing wake up. I’m so glad she’s doing so well with it! It’s a life changer when you can get some sleep and you know you can count on time to yourself. I’m so happy for you! It was a major turning point in my life as a mom and it sounds like it’s doing the same for you. And yay for therapy! It’s been a game changer for me too.

  3. Kylie, you always look nice but the picture of you and Jo in the rocking chair – you’re gorgeous! Motherhood likes you. I’m really enjoying reading these updates of how life with a baby is going, and loving the baby pics too! :)

  4. Seriously had the same experience with my first. Except we waited a year to CIO. We were rocking her for an hour each nap and sleep and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so happy we did it, and she still sleeps great as a toddler.

  5. Same girl.  SAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEE.  I’m so glad you sleep trained.  It’s the best thing I’ve done so far with my daughter.  Nighttime was the WORST.  And I also was very against sleep training until I needed to do it, and seeing the change in everyone made it 100% worth it.  We needed to do full CIO because doing the checks enraged my baby, (we actually ended up needing to give in and get her on the night we did checks.  She got to the point of no return.  We resumed the next night with no checks, and she was sleeping great within 3 days.)  And think of it like this.. even if she cried for an hour alone on that first night, that’s literally 1/3 of the time she cried WITH you every other night prior.  That’s what I tell everyone who gives me pushback on sleep training.. my daughter cries less to go to sleep on her own than she would in my arms.  

    Naps will happen soon :)  I kind of accidentally did nap training one awful morning when I was SO hungry and she was refusing a nap.  It was a moment where I needed to put her down in her bed and walk away, and I said I would come back and get her after I ate something.  She fell asleep before I was done and she’s been napping much better ever since.

    • Yep. We stopped the checks too because Jo would get even more worked up. And it’s a great reminder that overall she is crying less now. And about nap training…one day when Jo was like 2-3 months old I needed to shower/get ready to go somewhere so I just put Jo down and let her cry and she fell asleep herself. That was encouraging bc I thought it showed she was capable of falling asleep on her own.

      Thanks for commenting, Rachel!

  6. Enjoy the updates! My little is 18 weeks old and hates napping for more then 40 minutes all day!

    • yeah I read somewhere how babies take “cat naps” sometimes. And someone who commented on the post said, “cat naps…we call them CRAP naps.” I was like…AGREED. haha. Sometimes Jo does the 40 minute naps thing and I’m like can I at least get 2 sleep cycles! Ahhhh. Need a break!

      • Mine is the cat napper type so I totally empathize. She’s almost one (time goes sooo fast!) and we still get one 40 min nap and sometimes an hour- hour and a half nap in the afternoon. But once we did Ferber at 4 mo. we started getting good sleep as well- we still sometimes have upsets when she has a cold or is teething or other milestones but so far Ferber method has been soooo much better for all of us! Hugs to you- motherhood is the hardest and best thing I have ever done all at once <3

  7. I’m so happy for you guys hitting your stride! And thankful for you that you share your experience so nakedly

  8. Mom of an 11 and 8 year old here and your comment “Andrew and I didn’t need each other before like we need each other now” really resonated with me. I wanted to yell YES! THIS! IS! SO! TRUE! and it remains true. Even when your kid(s) get older. I don’t always like how my husband does things and Lord knows we disagree a lot of times on parenting but knowing he is in my corner and he is there to help along this parenting journey eases my mind. I COULD but would not WANT to do this without him.

  9. As a person that wants to become a mom some day, your posts are incredibly refreshing and I think capture everything it means to be a mom/caretaker. Please continue to share!

  10. I’m so happy you are doing what’s best for you and your family. As someone who went through serious and severe PPD and PPA I find your posts refreshingly honest vs other bloggers I regularly read. I think therapy is a wonderful idea and it was part of my healing process too. I can relate to your exact fear of the baby waking up too. I have another little one now so I promise that it does get easier, even to the point of possibly wanting another (if that’s something you find you want), and I will say with the second I feel like a completely different person. Sure that anxiety is still there and holy moly is two harder than one, BUT I feel like I am able to be so much more present for #2 than I was able to be for #1 — and I really think having #2 made me a better mom to #1 as well. Just know that it does and will keep getting better!

  11. Love these updates so much! And happy you and Andrew are finding your footing again :)

  12. Cry it out is SO hard but so worth it! And my babe is a tummy sleeper, too! Her startle reflexes kept waking her, and when I flipped her to her tummy (once she could roll) to sleep, it was a game changer. I get it. So glad you’re getting sleep! 

  13. Good for you for putting your own uncomfortableness aside to do what’s right for your baby. No one functions well on poor sleep!

  14. I love reading these updates as I have a three month old baby and am navigating first-time motherhood as well. I’m glad you guys were able to sleeptrain, I can’t imagine dealing with a screaming baby every night for three hours. My little girl has had some nights like that, but they are rare thankfully.
    Also, I think it’s funny that your pediatrician tried to dissuade you from co-sleeping. My daughter’s doctor is actually the one who talked us into co-sleeping. I was terrified of trying it until he started to openly condone it and told me that he and his wife had their babies in bed with them. My husband works night shift though, so it doesn’t affect our marriage. It’s great, but not for everyone :)

  15. I can totally relate with the feeling of not being able to relax! It took me a long time to adjust to being a mom and feel like I had some sort of a rhythm down. My daughter is 2.5 now and #2 is due next month so I am preparing for another big learning curve! Haha. But I love reading your mom posts and think you’re doing a great job!

  16. I’m so glad that Jo is sleeping better for you!

    I feel weird saying this (because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone) but reading about your sleep ordeal with Jo makes me feel better about the current sleep battle I’m fighting with my 9 week old daughter. You’ve given me hope that it’s going to get better and that the “living in fear of her waking up when she’s fallen asleep” isn’t forever (thank enough Lord because it’s awful). It’s so hard and can feel really isolating but to read another mom’s experience makes it feel a little less lonely in the world of babies who won’t sleep 😂 💜💜💜

    • Hang in there, Kelly! It is so much better now. Before we sleep trained I was like, “I just want this newborn phase to be over! Can’t the time pass quicker!!” But since sleep training I’m enjoying mom life a lot more and even found myself wishing time would slow down the other day. All of us finally being able to get better sleep makes all the difference.

  17. I SO appreciate reading your posts about motherhood. They are so honest and real compared to a lot of other bloggers I read who seem to gloss over the tough parts. My baby is almost a week and a half and I never thought I would co-sleep, but have done it about half the time since, like you said, when he’s in the bassinet I feel like I’m just waiting/listening for him to wake up so I’m not sleeping during that time anyway. Plus it’s pretty sweet to wake up with him in my arms – but it’s also not something I want to do for too long, so I was happy to read that the Ferber method worked for you as I think we’ll eventually get there. Thanks for sharing – mom updates are my favorite :)

  18. I love your mom updates so much! The rawness and realness that comes through in each post just speaks to me each time! I have a 3.5 month old and even though our road has been different (he was 8 weeks early, spent 10 weeks in the NICU and still requires a feeding tube to ensure proper nutrition while he learns to eat orally), I feel like we’re in this together and have loved following your journey. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your adorable daughter!! ❤

  19. Ahhh…thank you for sharing all of this. I am a dietitian with a 28 week old. So much of what you wrote rang true for us. Before reading this  I felt like we were doing things wrong and it was “just me.” I remember seeing your post about waving the dream catcher to get her to sleep and I thought, “that is so brilliant. That’s my problem…I can’t think of things like that.” We too ended up cosleeping and had a fussy baby due to being overtired. Ferber was a life-saver and therapy were life-savers though it took a while for me to do both as well. Naps too are a struggle for us, but getting better. Again, thank you for sharing your honest experience!

    • Hi Steph! Waving the dreamcatcher was all my husband’s idea. Most of the time I’m too wrapped up “in it” to think of anything new or to have the energy to try something different…so I hear you when you say “I can’t think of things like that.” Creativity for me goes out the window when I’m experiencing a level of exhaustion I never have before.

      Without other mom’s to support me I never would’ve done Ferber! I feel for my mom friends who were the first to have babies in their friend group and didn’t have the support of other moms. Glad to hear Ferber + therapy were lifesavers for you too! Thank you for commenting!

  20. You are doing such an amazing job, Kylie! Hang in there, sweet mama. I so appreciate your honesty and genuineness about your motherhood journey. ❤

  21. I’ve given up on the bottle with my stubborn 6-month old boob girl. I started her on sippy cups for when I have to take the boobs with me and dad has to feed her. I found one she loves! That may be an option for you guys if you like. :) look for the 4month+ sippy cups that have soft tops and handies. My daughter likes the one with the narrowest opening for slower flow. 👍

  22. thanks for being so vulnerable and real anout yiur experience. i think it is so helpful to me and other mothers! yay for more sleep!!

  23. As a first time mom to a 15 week old little man, I really appreciate your honesty when it comes to describing what it’s like to be a new mom! My little guy is not the best sleeper and we have been considering sleep training as well (once we get the go ahead from his doctor at the 4 month check up). It’s something that I feel we need to do, but am dreading at the same time… this post has given me some hope that it is the right thing to do and that it will work! One quick question… I think that you used to swaddle baby Jo, but it seems like you aren’t anymore. Was that transition rough? The sleep trainer that we have been speaking with says we either need to transition out of a swaddle before sleep training or go cold turkey during. Even just this first step seems overwhelming! Thanks so much and I think that you are doing a wonderful job with Jo!

    • Hi Alison. Yep. We did the same thing. Got the “OK” from our pedi at the 4month appt to go ahead and sleep train. Our pedi said she’s pro sleep for all and doing what you need to do to make that happen. Jo’s sleep is SO much better now that we sleep trained and she’ll give us way longer stretches of sleep. I hope it’s the same for you guys<3 I was so doubtful sleep training would work for us, but I just had to keep telling myself "this will work" so I'd have the mental stamina to push through the crying and get to the other side. I'm really glad we did it.

      With the swaddle. Hmm I'm trying to remember exactly how it went down. She started kicking out of her swaddle (we were using the Miracle Blanket Swaddle) and Andrew thought Jojo seemed like she didn't like it anymore so he would put her down for naps without it. Then when we coslept for a month Joanna would fall asleep without being swaddled after eating. So I'd say naps and cosleeping is how we did the transition out of the swaddle.

  24. Great post even for a non- mom. I love your perspective it’s so healthy!

  25. This was awesome to read. I have a 6 month old and this was spot on for me as well. We really need to sleep train. We got her sleeping in her bassinet but I have to nurse her to sleep or her dad has to rock her for a long while. I live in fear as well for my baby waking up. I’m anxious to even go to bed(we share a room with her). So this was great to read. I have an extremely fussy baby too and it felt like it was never going to end or that it was just my baby(even though I knew it wasn’t)! Thank you for sharing. It feels good to have more of a handle on things even when it’s still evolving.

    • Hey Sheena! Yep. I hear you on the being anxious to go to bed. I felt that a lot and still do from time to time (especially when I’m overly tired and am coming off an overwhelming day), but I’d say (for us) sleep training helped make that anxiety about 90% lessened bc her sleep is more predictable now. Of course there are still times she wakes up and I’m like AHHH WHAT THE HECK!??? But overall it’s better. I hope a long nap is in your future soon <3

  26. I am a new mom, and LOVE reading your posts! Thank you so much for keeping it real and honest about motherhood!! Quick questions- which lactation consultants do you follow on Instagram? Do you find their posts hepful?

    • hey Erica! I follow @mrspatels. Every Sunday they do this “ask a lactation consultant series where you comment with a question and you can get a response. I found reading through those Q&A’s was helpful! They sell teas & treats for lacation/upping supply…but I’ve never bought them.

  27. I don’t have a baby, but I’m really happy to hear that the sleep training is going so well for y’all : ) Also- Jojo is so stinkin’ cute! Seriously, y’all have an adorable baby ♥

    My husband and I want to have kids in the next few years, and I feel like my fear of baby waking up and me not getting any sleep is going to be strong. Thanks so much for writing about this- it makes me feel more normal that I’m anxious about this!

    I love FitnessBlender workouts! I too ignore the calorie counting and just focus on the workouts.

  28. I always love your posts at how real this phase of life really is! I am glad that Andrew is supporting you. I admit, one of the biggest fears I have about having children is feeling like I won’t be supported. I do MOST of the home duties in our marriage and I’m just not sure how I can fit even more responsibilities into my already overwhelming schedule. I am glad you’re letting Andrew know you need more support. I don’t mean to hate on men, but I think here in America, where many women pull double duty with a job and home duties, men don’t realize the extra effort and mental energy we’re being drained of everyday. We definitely need to be more vocal about it! I just recently declared to my husband that I would only be cooking for 3 days a week. The other 3 he can either cook us something or fend for himself. He’s a big boy. I’m sure he’ll figure something out! ;)

  29. Not a mama yet but I loved this post! Love how honest and casual you are about things and it’s just about what works and fits for you and your family best! Also my favourite thing was your comment about having Jo out of the bed being good for certain aspects of marriage being immediately followed by a picture of you with a massive grin! Made me giggle!

  30. Hey, Kylie! Since we stopped meeting for sessions, I’ve been following your blog and it’s been such a great resource, but when I had my twins in November, my time to surf the web completely disappeared. Today, I’ve finally got sufficient childcare, and I’m able to actually do some work, and wanted to catch up on your blog a little.
    It’s been serendipity for me that we are going through this phase of new motherhood at just about the same time, because I relate to a lot of what you post, and this post is no exception. I used to get an overwhelming anxiety at around 5pm, knowing that the night was coming and found it really hard to settle down and sleep once it was time for bed and I really thought it was just my problem, but I see from this post and your comments that it’s really common! Things were going smoother for us for a while, the babies were going to sleep right after their bath and only waking once or twice a night to eat and then going right back to sleep (of course, this was once or twice EACH, so really, 2 to 4 times). This still meant 4 hours or less of sleep for my wife and I, but now they are back to waking every 2-3 hours, and crying after feeding, and the sleep we are getting is more like 2-3 hours nightly. Anyway, I really want to thank you for your detailed and upfront post about CIO. We are really hesitant to try it because we don’t actually think it will work, but reading that someone had the same problem and it actually DID work is making me think about it again. The boys are almost 6 months, and one of them is over 18 pounds, so the rocking to sleep for naps and at night is getting more and more challenging.
    Well, thank you as always for being an inspiration and a source of realistic optimism.

    P.S. I was going to put this in an email, but since I am so helped by other people’s comments, I decided to post it publicly.

    • Hey Cara! It is so good to hear from you! I’m so happy to hear an update on your life! I’m glad you posted this comment here. I would HIGHLY recommend a Facebook group called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning:

      It is full of encouragement for moms and there are a lot of great resources for how to get babies to sleep more!

      I didn’t think CIO would work either, and while some naps are still rough, night time sleep is so much more manageable. I am SO glad we did it and will be using it for any and all future children. Some of my mom friend’s had to drill it into my head that, “you have to believe it will work. Because it will!” It’s hard if you don’t believe it will because it’s so tough listening to your baby’s cry. I know! It’s so tough. But I believe doing CIO finally let Joanna start getting WAY more sleep and while she is still fussy plenty…she is overall way less fussy throughout the day. Wishing you all the best!

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