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Yeah…Immaeatthat

Aug 14

6 weeks postpartum (going from one kid to two)

For those who have enjoyed following along with my motherhood journey, I wanted to share how it’s going since becoming a family of 4 :)

Because of how hard I found the evenings and nights with Jo’s postpartum, I decided I couldn’t do that again and things had to be different. So this postpartum I’m taking an SSRI, I’ve been going to a bible study weekly since Ella was 9 days old (I’ve only made 2 of the 4 meetings but we’re gonna call that a win for the postpartum season haha), I signed up for MommaStrong (more on this later), Jo is in a childcare program 2 days/week to give me some structure to my weeks, and I intentionally google a whole lot less lol (I have my intuition, mom friends, family, and our pediatrician to ask questions to).

With Jo I just couldn’t shake the idea that I was doing something wrong and if I just knew xyz then she would sleep better, not cry so much, and I wouldn’t find early motherhood so hard. But now, this postpartum I rarely feel like I’m doing anything wrong and it’s been awesome. That doesn’t mean I don’t get overwhelmed, since motherhood can be exhausting, but I don’t get nearly as overwhelmed with the feelings that come along with the thought of I’m not capable.

I saw someone on Instagram say they wish their newborn’s first week of life would last forever and I laughed so hard because nothing sounds like more of a nightmare to me! Thank God that’s not how he designed this to work. I think there are some mom’s who really do enjoy the newborn time, but I remain firmly in the camp of, “keep growing up little baby!” I don’t wish time would move slower or they would stay x age forever. I think time moves at a fine pace haha.

Ella

Through Jojo, God equipped me for anything a baby could throw at me. I’ve felt very validated this last month in the fact that our sweet Jo was a miserable baby. It’s hard to know what are innate differences between the girls and what are differences in me and how I’m doing things, but overall I feel Ella is way more predictable than Jo was, but perhaps a lot of that is because I know more of what to expect from a newborn so am more able to predict baby behavior?

I do know that instead of crying through the witching hours from 7pm-11pm Ella just sleeps (Jo screamed), at 6 weeks old Ella already has done several 4 hour sleep stretches (which took months to consistently happen with Jo), and Ella will ride in the car awake and content (whereas if Jo was awake in the car during her first 8 months of life…she was, more likely than not, screaming). With Jojo I would dread the nighttime each and every day for 5 months and that really took a toll on me. With Ella I don’t feel like that because she sleeps so much more. I also feel like I know how to comfort Ella, whereas with Jo I didn’t feel that way much and that will really plummets a new mom’s/dad’s confidence.

With Jo I was so hellbent on doing things the “right” way (or what I perceived as the “right” way) and all that accomplished was making us miserable for a year. I’m way more relaxed with Ella and, depending on my sanity level and what I can handle, Ella does a mixture of sleeping in her crib (sometimes being laid down when drowsy, but awake and other times after she’s been fed to sleep), swing, or co-sleeping in a bed with me. With Jo I was so fixated on her sleeping in her crib or bassinet that I drove myself to my breaking point nightly. I know that’s what’s recommended, but that often doesn’t work for us. For Ella I just got her this vibrating pad that we put in her crib (it shuts off after an hour), it worked great last night and I’m hoping will be a way for us to more consistently have her sleep in her crib.

Andrew and I are watching Game of Thrones so I constantly joke that right now my “nights are dark and full of terrors.” It’s hard to become semi-nocturnal. While I’m less scared of the nights with Ella than I was with Jo, I don’t think sleep deprivation will ever be easy. Some nights are hard…like last night when it took me 2 hours to get Ella to sleep and eventually I decided I’d let her do her first stretch of sleep of the night in her swing (which isn’t my first choice for her sleep at night).

The nights are hard, but they feel less terrifying this time around. I was telling Andrew a few nights ago how insane of a sacrifice I feel motherhood calls one to and how humbling and draining it is to realize how much patience and intentionality is needed and he jokingly said, “just remember who you are (paused for dramatic effect)…a margarita drinking machine.” Lol.

My healing after my second birth.

Healing after this birth has been a breeze. A couple hours after I pushed Ella out I realized I didn’t have any swollen/painful/”flu of the vagina” feeling and then I was like, “oh yeah, you got an epidural. Wait until that wears off.” But then the pain never came! I imagine pushing time -slamming a baby against your cervix for 90 minutes vs. baby sliding out in under 3 minutes- makes a ton of difference in how swollen and painful you are.

I did end up with PUPPP rash inside of the stretch marks on my belly during the last couple days of pregnancy and the rash remained for about a week after birth…and, man, that was itchy.

After Jo’s birth I bled moderate to heavily for 2+ months and with Ella’s I pretty much completely stopped bleeding in less than a week! AMAZING. I remember one particularly rough night with Jojo when I was crying on the bathroom floor around 1 month postpartum because I was still bleeding so much, incredibly sleep deprived, leaking milk down my shirt, smelling of spit-up, didn’t know how to make Jo stop crying, and crying to Andrew that, “I can’t do this! How do all moms do this?!!” But with Ella I feel like I know what to expect and I’m confident that I can handle it even though it’s still challenging. This postpartum my nervous system feels far less taxed, I’m sure the reasons for why are multifaceted, but a big one has to be the decrease in crying. I remember most of the times when driving with Jo she’d scream and scream and I’d think I shouldn’t be driving right now since it had me feeling so fried/frazzled/insane.

Postpartum feeling physically demanding.

Postpartum feels very physically demanding to me. Carrying around a 10# weight constantly while being sleep deprived leads to my neck feeling like it’s destroyed and constantly has a crick in it, which over the last 2 weeks led to some pretty intense headaches. There’s this big push that new moms should rest (which I agree with), but I also feel like I need very specifically geared stretches/strengthening exercises to make sure my body heals well and isn’t injured further during activities of daily mom life (i.e. lugging around a toddler, heaving carseats into vehicles and pretending you’re a bear as you crawl around on your hands and knees with your first born on your back lol). I went to my chiropractor on Monday, she specializes in pregnancy/postpartum, and she spent almost an hour with me massaging and adjusting and gave me some strengthening/stretching movements to do. And after a recent midwife appointment I decided to go ahead and get a referral for a pelvic floor specialist based on some things my midwife tested/said.

Additionally, at the recommendation of a client and several friends, I signed up for Momma Strong (it’s $5/month), which is great for caring for and strengthening the pelvic floor after birth. I wish I would’ve known it existed after Jo’s birth because it would’ve helped give me confidence that I was repairing my body, rather than feeling lost at 6 weeks when my OB said I was cleared to move more again and I was like, “now what?” Momma Strong does a good job of emphasizing that there is plenty of time for more intense movement. Be patient. It’s not worth it or necessary to overdo it and she advises you to take care of your pelvic floor first. Her instructions are geared to moms, with recommendations that if someone overhead they’d be like, “what the heck are you doing?” She’ll say things like, “okay, now you’re gonna do this with your peehole and then rocket it up” or “pretend you’re trying to get a tan on your nipples.” In a healthy and healed way, my pelvic floor feels like a trampoline after I do the videos. There is also zero mention that you should be trying to get your pre-pregnancy body back. The creator struggled with PPD/PPA. The farther she got away from birth, the more her mental health deteriorated. I find she has a healthy perspective on what postpartum looks and feels like and I really appreciate that. She has an emphasis on safe, non-strenuous exercise until your body is capable and strong enough to handle anything more.

After Jo’s birth I wouldn’t have been ready for even the most basic of the Momma Strong videos until 2 months postpartum (so much bleeding), but after Ella’s birth I could start the super gentle intro one once a week at 3 weeks postpartum without any bleeding or pain. Every birth is different.

Marriage

The year after Jo was born was easily our hardest year of marriage thus far. It was a rough adjustment for us. I feel like we’re able to support each other way better this time. Before Ella came I told Andrew a good litmus test for him for if he’s helping enough will be to make sure he’s doing more than he was before Ella was born. And he has been. With each kid I think both parent’s capacity has to expand to make the family run smoothly. Andrew’s been way more proactive with helping with the girls and I’ve been less controlling/I-want-to-do-everything-myself-until-I-have-a-massive-breakdown.

I think it’s so important (and I’m definitely not the best about this) to be as clear as possible with what my expectations are so I don’t end up resentful. I take the night shift, since we’re nursing and if I get exceptionally poor sleep I can typically take a nap the next day. But if I need help I ask for help. Recently at 4am I was done and told Andrew I needed help and he completely took over. He took Ella, shut the door behind him, got Ella back to sleep and let me sleep until 730am when I needed to take Jo to preschool (it’s not on his way to work). And he’d made Jo’s lunch and put both carseats in my car and he was ready to take Jo to school if I didn’t wake up in time. Some days I need a power-up in the form of Andrew completely taking everything over and getting us back to baseline. With the second kid, it’s been nice to have Andrew more confident in his dad skills.

I think one of the hardest parts of motherhood is being patient. Having patience with your children, patience with yourself as you learn to be a mom, patience with your husband as he learns to be a dad, and patience with letting your body heal and look different than it ever has.

How’s Jojo doing with Ella?

I feel like for the first month I was constantly running defense for Ella. Jo does pretty well if given a task – “give Ella a kiss.”, “can you show me Ella’s toes?”, “put that sticker of Ella’s belly”, “can you show me how to gently rock Ella?” – but left to her own devices she gets rough, she’s doing a bit better now. I don’t think she grasps that Ella is fragile, which is to be expected. I was texting a mom friend about this and she said, “toddlers are not subtle or gentle creatures.” It cracked me up because that’s so true.

Jo has watched more TV in the last month than in her entire life. One mom friend joked this is the only way to prevent your older kid from ending up jumping off a bookshelf, etc. while you feed baby. Jo will come over and body slam Ella and me/poke Ella in the eye/etc., so I need something that will occupy her for that time and TV works.

I’ll ask Jo to, “go get my special pillow.” And she’ll run and bring me my boppy so I can nurse. So cute.

Body image

My best friend and I were talking about postpartum and she said right after birth she will have a lot of patience for her body looking different, but the farther she gets away from birth the less patience she has for her postpartum body. This has been my experience too. Initially it feels awesome to not be pregnant anymore and be able to move more easily, but then around 4 weeks postpartum I started feeling a bit blah in my body and I think that’s to be expected. How are you supposed to know how to feel at home in a body size/shape you’ve never been in before? It takes a bit. I really love reader Michelle’s comment on postpartum where she said, “I feel like postpartum gets a bad rap, but I really loved it. It’s an amazing time. I slept better with a newborn than I did at the end of pregnancy, I was surrounded by people I loved, and I found it fascinating watching my body return to “normal” function rather than “grow a baby”. Certainly my body looks and feels different than it did before, but birth is such a transformational experience I think it’s fitting to not look exactly the same.” I think the idea of watching your body transform and settle with awe and wonder and patience is such a great perspective to encourage your brain into.

I do have quite a few stretch marks on my belly now. Good thing I decided in this post that I’d love to have a lot of stretch marks to remember pregnancy by lol…my skin delivered on that! Most of the time I think they’re beautiful and a reminder of growing a baby, but they’ve taken some getting used to and I’ve thought some about what this means for me and two piece swim suits. Will wearing a 2 piece draw unnecessary attention to my body? Maybe. Is it only okay to have stretch marks on your belly if you have a certain level of musculature on your stomach? No, I don’t agree with that. Would wearing a one piece allow me to think about my body less and engage in whatever activity we are doing at the time? Maybe. Likely depends on who I’m with. So I’ve been thinking about it. All I know is that I will take care of my body and that doesn’t guarantee thinness or a stretch mark free body. Right now that means strengthening my pelvic floor and getting as much sleep as I possibly can during these newborn hazy months.

Another long post. I’ve been writing several longer posts recently and when looking at the blog analytics I saw that the average read time for a recent longer post was 7 1/2 minutes. I thought that was so cool that in the age of all this instant information the majority of you spent 7 1/2 minutes reading one post, which seems like a longtime in our current world. Y’all are great. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Any motherhood thoughts from you? Overall I found the transition from 0 to 1 kid FAR more difficult than the transition from 1 to 2 kids. What about you? And why do you think that was for you? So many factors are at play, but I think another contributing factor for me was that I worked 50 hours+ each week before Jo was born and having to adjust to working far less and redefining what a productive day looks like was hard and took time to accept. I can see why being given, let’s use a euphemism lol, an expressive child helped me focus my energy where it needed to be focused.

59 comments on “6 weeks postpartum (going from one kid to two)”

  1. Your experience pretty much mirrored mine. Recovery from baby#1 was straight up awful. She was also “expressive” and screamed from 5:00 pm to the wee hours every single night until she just stopped at about 12 weeks and slept through the night. Baby #2 delivered very quickly so postpartum pain was greatly reduced. He was also a super chill baby who was a breeze to care for. Difference in personalities? Definitely. Difference in us as parents? Yes to that too. I think the experience you gain with the firstborn makes the next baby(s) easier. We are better prepared and, just like you pointed out, we trust our instincts a little bit better. So happy for you that things are going so well and you are feeling so much better. You family is just precious :) And just in case you are thinking about doing this again, in our house baby #3 realized she needed to get with the program and fell into our routine pretty quickly :)

  2. I also relate SO much to your postpartum experience and so appreciate your honesty as so many moms today sugarcoat the heck out of this time. My son was also a tougher baby for me both in personality and mine and my husband’s confidence. And I also discovered mommastrong after this baby and am OBSESSED! I so wish I had had it with my son. My recovery and aches and pains were just night and day. This time between this baby girl’s easier temperament and my preparedness to tackle all the sleep problems, she started sleeping through the night at 2 months old. I do find myself saying I’m so glad it fell like it did, I had my more difficult baby first and really got my you know what handed to me but that’s over and done with and I’ve done and seen it all so this time it’s like I was suited up and ready to be in the trenches again and that made it probably even easier than it actually is. And I’m so grateful for her even temperament and affinity for sleep like her mama. I even have found breastfeeding to be easier this time! That being said I still this time had to make the vow that I would ask for help before i lost my mind and I did. Aside from that I put too much on my plate cuz things were going so well and I felt with some anxiety and panic but my husband is a lot like yours and stepped in to take anything unnecessary off of my plate and that was exactly what I needed. He also in the early newborn stages would do like your husband did where if I was up all night, he’d take our toddler and let me sleep in with baby 
    .

  3. I could not agree more with your sentiments regarding not missing the newborn days! My son is almost 6 months old and he just keeps getting better and better every day. I wouldn’t go back to that first week even if I could! I have felt terrible for feeling that way but hearing it from you it’s nice to know that I’m not a bad mom! I love my baby so much and it’s great being able to enjoy him and not dread the nights.

  4. Yep. Same same. Except you’re wiser, younger. I have only recently (last three years or so, and I am 60) come to terms with the pregnancy/motherhoid changes in my body and now I see my tummy and stretch marks and say to myself, thank you for having three healthy pregnancies! Following you and bodyposipanda, both suggested by my grown up daughters, helped in this process so much. Thank you for sharing your wonderful embracing of food and life.

  5. I always appreciate your honesty. I try to take a page from your book when people ask me about my PP experience or newborn days. I don’t think we should be out there giving horror stories, but moms to be and new moms need to know their feelings and experiences are validated. Thank you for sharing real feelings and experiences. 

    • I feel like I could have written this post myself. Everything about the transition from 0 to 1 was harder than either 1 to 2 or more recently for me 2 to 3. I questioned everything with the first and it’s been smooth sailing with 2 and 3. And I just care less about what other people think. I’m formula feeding my third and do not care at all about what others may think. However with the more pregnancies I’ve had and the less time I have to be active it’s taken more time with every pregnancy to fit in my clothes. Going to old navy and buying normal clothes about 2 sizes up was a game changer for me in feeling like my old self and put together!

      • Haha I went to Old Navy this weekend to stock up on some fit-me-now-non-maternity-clothes. Agreed on buying normal clothes! I still love my maternity shorts for postpartum, but other things just feel a bit frumpy and uncomfortable to me now. My mom also went to Target and got me a few loose-fitting, nicer shirts, which I appreciated and found helpful!

    • Agree about not living in suffering/only sharing horror stories, but still being honest. I imagine my little sister, who doesn’t have kids yet, will have a smoother transition into motherhood than I did because she’s seen me go through it and what it takes and won’t be as blindsided when babies act like babies or toddlers act like toddlers haha

  6. For me, going from 1 to 2 has been mjch harder. But it makes sense why. My first was a rather easy happy baby and despite the anxiety of new motherhood, I feel like I figured him out and I felt confident. My second is an enigma. Totally different than the first and throwing me for a loop constantly bc what used to work doesn’t now with him. He’s much more fussy and doesn’t nap well so my anxiety is high. Add on top of that a 2.5 yr old with tantrums who is trying to adjust to not having all of mommy’s afternoon… wow. It’s a total circus some days. I think it all comes down to timing and their personalities! 

  7. My first year of motherhood was amazing! My son slept right away and was generally happy and easygoing. We struggled with infertility for 3 years so I was over the moon happy to be a mom. When my second son arrived, my whole world turned upside down! He didn’t sleep through the night for almost a year which made me crazy. I’m pretty sure I had some PPD and it took a while to bond with him too. It was so hard having two kids who didn’t always nap at the same time. As an introvert, I depended on nap time to refresh my brain and be alone but I lost that and it was really, really hard. My body also didn’t do what I wanted it to after my second baby. Now my babies are 5 and almost 3. We have rough days, but it’s a lot easier now that everyone sleeps all night and gives me nap/rest time every day! Having two kids is awesome because I get to see how much they love each other. We were walking home yesterday and they just started holding hands and it made all the hard times worth it!

  8. I totally agree- the newborn days are not for me! I’ve loved every month more than the last so far. Funny enough, we had a dream baby- great temperament, happy, etc. but she had a medical issue that required us to wake her frequently in the night for feedings. It. was. so. hard. I 100% see why sleep deprivation is used against political prisoners.

  9. Really enjoyed this whole article, but especially your take on time. I don’t hear enough of the time goes at the pace it should mentality. I don’t wish my children to stay babies forever. I really dislike being told I’m going to miss this stage in their lives. I have a 3year old and 7m old, this is a very hard time and I look forward to my boys being a little more independent, i see it as the reward for the baby and toddler stages. I’m not wishing time away by any means. I try to stay as present as possible so that I’m not idealizing their younger selves (also try to do this for myself, ha!). I like to believe the best is yet to come!

  10. I’m nowhere near motherhood yet, but God-willing, I will have plenty of babies in my future. I’m currently in treatment for my eating disorder, and your posts always give me so much hope. As much of a war I’m feeling with my body, I love the idea of seeing my body build a baby and transition in that way. I will certainly be returning to these posts when I reach that stage of my life. Sidenote: you’re an incredible, capable, beautiful mama!

  11. I’m about a year out from where you are (girls are 15 months and 2.5) and I can relate to so much of this! If you have neck issues, I HIGHLY recommend getting a snap and go stroller for the baby’s car seat if she’s in an infant seat. I had major back issues after my second pregnancy, and at around 5 months with my second daughter I finally caved and bought a snap and go if you don’t have one instead of hauling the seat everywhere. I wish I had done it sooner, I just had a hard time justifying why I should buy another stroller haha. It was so helpful though, whether it was during preschool drop off or if the whole family went to the store- one of us would push the stroller and the other would push the toddler in the cart. My back finally started to feel some relief once I stopped lugging that thing around. And we used it until she turned 1, my second stayed in the infant seat wayyyyy longer than our first 😂

    • That’s a good recommendation, Megan! I need to be more intentional about using the little stroller we have. We don’t have the snap n go, but have a smaller stroller that’d be helpful to use. Long gone are the days when I could just “pop into places right quick” lol. I think that’s one reason I just lug the carseat. It’s such a process to get everyone in and out of the car! My neck would appreciate the break!

  12. My daughter was extremely colicky! I can totally resonate with your experience with Jojo. I’m terrified of having another! But I know that will heal with time. She also had reflux, was in the NICU, oxygen need till 9 mo, and really severe feeding issues. Honestly it was such a depressing and lonely time. This post gives me a LOT of hope. Because I really really do want more kids! Thank you for sharing and being transparent. I hate posts that don’t share the hard. It’s isolating! So thanks ♥️ Grow baby grow! 

  13. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your honesty. It’s very refreshing to hear you talk about things–both the good and the bad. Thanks!

  14. I love hearing your take on Motherhood. My second is 4 months right now. The tension headaches from poor sleep and poor posture and the tired body are hard to manage! I know right now I don’t have the time or energy or base strength to jump right back into exercise. I also know that at some point I’ll be ready to exercise to improve my posture and my health more than lose weight. 

    • “Base strength”…that’s a good term for it. The lack of that after birth makes returning to pre-pregnancy movement not a great idea or as easy of a thing as I thought it would be.

  15. I had such a similar experience in so many ways. Thank you for sharing! Also yesssss MommaStrong!

  16. I just want to thank you for being so open about your experiences in pregnancy and postpartum with both of your girls. Your blog has been such a helpful resource for me navigating pregnancy for the 1st time with an eating disorder past. I’m currently 15 weeks with my first, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reread your pregnancy posts to remind myself to stay away from the diet-culture pregnancy brings and keep living and eating intuitively. Pregnancy has been just as hard (if not unexpectedly harder) than I thought it would be even having done the IE work for the past 5 years. So thanks for having a platform that people like me can refer to time and again!

    I’ll have to check out MommaStrong during the postpartum period. I’d never heard of it. Hope the transition keeps going as smooth as possible for you, Andrew, and your girls!  

  17. We are ten weeks away from going from 0 kiddos to 1 kiddo, so I’m re-reading all of your pregnancy/post-partum blog posts and bookmarking them for the heady first weeks after our little one is born. I am super excited to have a baby, and the changes that it will bring for us. At the same time I am glad to know that if things are difficult there are so many resources to draw on, and that it will get better with time! Thanks Kylie!

  18. Kylie, I love your honesty about motherhood, i am 4 weeks in with my first and man this is hard! So thank you for opening up and keeping it real about how hard it can be. You’re doing an amazing job and being an awesome role model for Jo and Ella and go you for taking care of yourself and making that a priority this time round too!

  19. I am currently pregnant with my first child and I love reading your posts!! I think they are an honest and realistic representation of motherhood and greatly appreciated. Definitely looking into the Momma Strong subscription! 

    • Momma Strong has been so great. It’s rare to find an exercise program that is focused on health and wellness without an emphasis on changing your body size. It’s awesome. 10 outta 10 recommend!

  20. Thank you! Thank you for normalizing mental health and for making us all feel more at ease with what it’s like to be a mama. I think in some form we are all struggling postpartum so keeping things real makes everyone feel better. Amen to having babies grow up- my husband would wholeheartedly agree to this one as like you our marriage took a hit after our first baby! The more I talk to my friends, it is almost unanimous that having a kid causes marital issues of some sort. It’s something I was never warned about and isn’t discussed much so thank you for shedding light on this. 

    • Yep. So agree in some way we all struggle in postpartum…with feeding issues, sleep issues, marital issues, mental health issues, etc. I don’t think anyone escapes it without something hard coming up.

  21. You give me hope that my (someday) baby #2 won’t be as awful (crying,crying, crying) as my first! Or maybe I will just handle it differently the second time around. Appreciate your motherhood posts!

  22. I so enjoy reading your posts on motherhood and seeing the similarities and differences between experiences. So, so happy you’re having a better time the second time around! 💜 I was so sure things would be easier with the second baby and it just has not! 😂 my first had colic and was a TERRIBLE sleeper. I read so many books, did all the methods and none of it worked. Oof. Homeboy could cry for HOURS and be more ramped up at the end than when he started. It was hard and I told myself there’s no way I’d have another baby like him. So silly but I was so certain that our next would be an easygoing mellow good sleeper because everyone I knew who had  a tough baby had an easy one after. Yeah not so much for us! My now 11mo old didn’t sleep longer than an hour for the first 3 months of her life and most nights was up 30-45 min. She made the decision to be a 2 child family much easier, ha! She’s really mellowed our a lot now but I don’t think I could survive a third baby like them, haha! I am happy that all my sleep knowledge has been put to good use by friends and family members. For whatever reason all the advice has worked well on their babies. 
    Your girls are lovely  and your family looks so happy. 😊 love that you’ve made a space on the internet for honesty and grace for mamas

    • Omgsh! Not sleeping for more than an hour for 3 months…ahhhh I feel for you! Ella is so “by the book”, most days. What “they” recommend works for her, but never worked for Jo. Like, “place the baby down while drowsy and have them doze off” NEVER worked for Jo…or any other low intervention sleep ideas like, “simply sssshhs your baby instead of picking them up. Your presence alone will soothe them.” So I hear you on your sleep knowledge working for other, but never for your own babies. Ohhhh, babies. All so different.

  23. One of the things I repeat to myself when life is less than ideal is “Adapt or die.” Applies especially to motherhood and sleep with a newborn, I think! I co-sleep for the most part, but my fussy first baby spent time sleeping in her car seat beside my bed. Ideal? No. Life saving, yes. Now she’s eight and sleeps through the night in her own bed; none the worse for something that really bothered me at the time. ;- ) All that to say, do what works and don’t feel bad for the sleep in the swing! It’s a season, and your beautiful baby appears to be thriving. Love your longer posts, and so happy you are feeling less anxiety this time around.

    • I think I would co-sleep 100% of the time if it was more comfortable for me haha. Being contoured around a baby doesn’t led to the most comfy sleeping position! Thanks for commenting, Anna!

  24. I’m not a mommy, but i am a (new to) labor and delivery nurse and i just love reading these type of posts. All of your posts really lol. We miss you and are excited to read about it! I am about a year into IE and still gaining weight and i found your line “how are you supposed to know how to feel at home in a body youve never been in before” especially helpful for me in my changing body.

  25. I am a long time reader, and I really appreciate the emotional energy you send to us through your blog. It takes a lot to candidly, genuinely and thoughtfully share your story. Peace.

  26. Your posts are always so real and appreciated. Thank you. I have a 10 month old and I wish I could go back and tell myself to stay off the internet and IG. Sleep deprivation and so much information about how I was doing it “wrong” was not pretty for me. I was also crazy about sleep and still am. I hope I can let it go over time. You’re doing a great job! I’m so, so impressed.

    • Thanks for commenting, India! Yep! I’ve realized I’m a pretty impressionable person. Even though I’m aware of it and can think for myself a lot more than I could in my teens/early 20s…I still find too much information coming in isn’t helpful.

  27. I absolutely love this post!  Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and for being so open and honest about your feelings and experiences of motherhood. My baby girl, Luna, has just turned one and so much of this resonated with me (she is my first so we’ve not ventured into second baby territory yet!). I was so scared of those nights in the early months and you describe it all so well. Your post has put a lot of my own feelings of early motherhood into words and I felt myself saying yes! to a lot of this. Thank you! Your girls are just so adorable and they are so lucky to have such an awesome Mummy! 

    • Thanks for reading and commenting, Sam! Glad you’re past the one year mark with Luna! Things started to get so much easier for us around then.

  28. Congratulations on having an amazing little baby :-)
    I’m just remembering that some time ago you wrote about which books you read throughout pregnancy that also cultivate healthy body image etc and can help to deal with weight gain after already having recovered from an ED.
    I can’t find the post back, so I thought that I’d ask :-) Thanks!

  29. Nice family. And also congratulations to you. It was really an amazing experience. I think your experience will help others. Thanks for sharing.

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