Dispatches from the latest stomach bug assault.

I have a stomach bug that has lingered. At this point, I am so bloated, have lost 5 pounds, and feel horrible. I hate stomach bugs, as I have mentioned. No part of me receives feelings of safety from restricting. In trying to make my experiences with stomach bugs less emotional and more just a part of a life one goes through, here are some thoughts.

I prayed my way through this stomach bug more than ever. I’d been thinking since my last stomach bug: “what if I approached the next stomach bug I get like it is a spiritual fast of sorts?” Knowing I wouldn’t be able to eat and asking God for his help in getting through it.

When I don’t have an appetite, I get panicky. There are some clear ways that food is an idol in my life. Through permission to eat over the last ten years, the idolatry of food has massively MASSIVELY decreased. But even now, if I can’t have the dopamine hit from eating lunch, because I’ve got a stomach bug and everything that goes in immediately comes out, I get panicky. I have thoughts with tears of, “I just want to feel good! I can’t do this for much longer.” I was given the gift of being able to pray through this stomach bug more than ever.

In an overwhelmed moment in my bedroom closet, while trying to get some quiet from the kids, I was so tired of not being able to eat and feel good. Flipping through my bible in need of truth led me to: The Call to Endurance of Hebrews 12:1-2.

“Let us lay aside every hindrance and sin that so easily ensnares us. LET US RUN WITH ENDURANCE THE RACE THAT LIES BEFORE US, KEEPING OUR EYES ON JESUS, THE SOURCE AND PERFECTOR OF OUR FAITH. For the joy that lay before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

It’s the same with stomach bugs. Even though I hate them, I will endure them, because they are just a part of life with young kids. There is joy that lays before me. I will endure the stomach bug to get to that.

As I’m here being sanctified, I have a tendency to fall into a works-based faith. I catch myself constantly trying to sanctify myself, instead of rest in the joy that here and now the only work that saves me is the work Christ completed through His death on the cross. I have the gift of grace from my Father. Here and now my list of sins are wiped away and His mercy is ready to douse me when I sin, once again, in 5 minutes. The times when food is an idol, it is okay, because the cost of my sin has been paid for. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. His conviction for me is gentle and patient. There is no urgency or emergency, only tenderness and care. This type of care allows for transformation, not simply stabilization.

I have no interest in looking more sanctified than I am, to pretend I have a better grasp on things than I do. The constant feedback I get about this blog is that it is authentic. Which, I’m so glad I’ve been given the gift of being like that in this space. A huge root of me being that way is due to the level of loneliness I felt in college. It completely transformed my life. And if me sharing openly here helps someone else feel less alone, I’m for that. ANDDD, it benefits me to be authentic! Because, to pretend that I’m not where I’m at, would keep me from becoming who I’m supposed to be. Our church does a great job of encouraging us to show up broken and needy, as we all are.

I lift my eyes up to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth (Psm 121:1-2).

While not being able to eat, I have redesigning our entire living room. See below. How pretty. I’d love to find a vintage, curvaceous, comfortable chaise to add in too. And, oh my gosh, I don’t even sit to put on my makeup, but I could gladly start because look at this makeup table!? I die.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of this. :)