My intention with sharing this post is to model how I recognize my here and now body as normal, good, and something to be cared for. Also, to share a handful of body image practices I find supportive to my life.

This body, regardless of fat level, is worth caring for.

When I was operating out of my eating disorder, I was convinced that thinness was the most beautiful thing. As long as I am thin, it doesn’t matter if I look disheveled or not. As long as I am thin, it doesn’t matter if I’m put together or not. At some point, as my life got bigger, being thin stopped fulfilling me. It didn’t seem desirable to be in pursuit of thinness anymore. To be in pursuit of fun? Yes. To be in pursuit of joy? Yes. To be in pursuit of health? Yes. To be in pursuit of meaningful, values-aligned responsibility? Yes. (Hello, children).

An intentional body image practice lately has been “putting myself together” regardless of the level of fat on my body. Doing so is a reminder to my brain that this body that has more fat on it than I’m used to deserves to be cared for well. Since it’s a spectrum, for some of you, not putting on makeup or not putting yourself together may be a better body image practice. I imagine even the term “putting yourself together” may remind you of a parent overly concerned about your appearance. But for me, “putting myself together” from time to time, and this can be simply putting dry shampoo in my hair and putting on non-athlesiure clothing, is helpful. Also relevant here, buying clothes for my body that fit it well and I’m excited to put on. My favorite top right now is the one below. I find it so beautiful and I enjoy wearing it.

This is the body of the daughter of a living King.

My default is to be very mean to myself. I catch my brain all the time trying to drag me through the mud. When it happens I talk back to myself, “no no no no no, we don’t say things like that.” or, simply, “No. You don’t get to talk. I’m able to distinguish helpful and unhelpful thoughts and you are the most unhelpful type.” It’s like I’m defending a child who lives inside of me who is being bullied. Now that I’m writing about it, it seems clear to me that inside there is the leader, there is the child, there is the bully. How I see it from a spiritual sense is: the leader is the Holy Spirit, the child is my soul, and the bully is Satan.

Another body image practice I engage in regularly is that I never let myself blame my body size for anything. If there is a health issue, I can look to a lack of health promoting behaviors…or genetics. If I’m having a hard day, I know the body will be a convenient screen to display my difficult time on, so I make my brain bring forth what that actual issue is. Example: If Andrew and I had to have a hard conversation and now there’s tension – it used to be so automatic and practiced in me to go to, “you’re feeling like this because of how your belly looks.” This rarely happens now thanks to a few years of catching where my thoughts are trying to take me before they take me there. The real issue here is the tension with your spouse. You’re feeling like this because it feels terrible to have tension with your spouse. Period. It ends there. It’s not because of something else. It feels bad because that is a thing that feels bad. It feels bad because we are humans and we won’t always feel good. To stay in a place of health with ED recovery, my body doesn’t get to be the scapegoat for hard things in my life. EVER. There are times my brain still tries to make my body the scapegoat. Being kind to my body and letting it be doesn’t always come effortlessly.

While not feeling good can be where I want to sit, the truth is that I am the daughter of a living King. A King who cares for me and delights in me. When I spend time with Him, He provides me with assistance through gifting His peace for me to operate out of.

Anything that brings me into deeper union with God is good. Therefore, body image healing practices are good. When I hated being in my body and was in a place of such terrible mental health, it made spending time with the Lord impossible for me. I’m so grateful for the tools that have allowed me to be in deeper union with God. I would also put eating disorder meal plans I place clients on for nutrition rehab or internal cue rehab in that category of a wonderful tool that can make eating and being in one’s body less complicated…and therefore allow for deeper union with God.

This body is appreciated for its functionality, not only its appearance.

Is this entire blog just an advertisement for MommaStrong? Perhaps! There are still times it would be appealing to me to disconnect my brain from my body and just move as fast and non-mindfully as I could. MommaStrong is the best for extremely mindful movement. It forces me to move slower and more intentionally than I would choose to. When I would rather disconnect from my body from time to time, it doesn’t allow that with it’s huge encouragement to engage and be present with your body. The same is true of yoga.

I also appreciate Courtney’s (she’s the MommaStrong creator) neutral descriptions when talking about the body. In a recently video on ab integration and function (see picture of me doing it below), Courtney said to hold the *tissue* below your belly in a gentle c-shape with your hands while breathing into your belly and then bracing the core and blinking your pelvic floor. Even if there is a large amount of fat on your belly, your belly is more than fat. It is muscle, organs, fat…there are many different tissues that make it up.

The body image practice I engage in here is simply having the MommaStrong program in my life. I don’t do it daily, because that’s not something that would be helpful for me. But having it in my weeks sporadically supports me in the ability to recognize and appreciate the functionality and integrated-ness of my body, rather than only recognizing or appreciating my body’s appearance.

I don’t make decisions for my health based on my weight.

One of the medications I take has a side effect of weight gain. While it from time to time can be easy to get in my head about this, something I find helpful is the reminder that I don’t make decisions for my health based on my weight. I am not just a creation of tissues. I am a soul that has my mental health and my overall wellbeing to consider. The movement I do, the way I eat, the medication I take, the community I surround myself with…it isn’t geared towards weight regulation. You may ask, but can’t weight be one consideration in your health? It can, but if you have disordered eating that was/is focused heavily on weight management it is likely that too much of your view of health is determined by your weight. Identifying and focusing on parts of your health outside of your weight will be a better path to freedom.

I’d love to hear, since we’re all different, what are some body image practices or perspectives that help you?

Also, I’m in the process of building up clients post maternity leave and still have space for at least 10 more clients. If you or someone you know would like to schedule, you can click below to see my open appointment slots and get scheduled. I also added a scheduling button to my side bar. Thank you for anyone you send my way! I appreciate it.